last goodbye

2010-02-14T18:49:00.000+08:00

If life was a game, then what's death? GAME OVER

2010-02-12T21:08:00.002+08:00

The new beginning.

This is my first post of the year. I've decided to continue this since I'm too lazy to create a new one, having the need to go through the procedures and stuffs. My first post is dedicated to MR Zhang, who has told me to create a blog and since i can feel his burning desire to peek at my blog, I've decided to continue blogging. However, no nonsense in this blog, not going to be crapping here. And since I'm bored to death too, i shall start blogging

A few months into the year, two months to be exact and I've already seen much. The different characters and different environment we just have to adapt. i wouldn't say how much i dislike everyone, but rather how everyone's different in their own ways, which i just can't comprehend. It's better to one more friend than one more enemy anyone. I've been feeling this strong aura of hatred around me anyway, people talking about one another. I can't help, but i sure can feel. Hopefully, everyone's not going to build these negative charges within them, and just let it go. What is hate, when you don't even know what you're hating. I feel that things should probably be clarified before jumping to conclusions. Why bother to be pissed and all when we can always have a chat and air our views openly? No one deserves to be compromised of their views, but it seems no one bothers to help one another clarify their doubts. You may hate me but i still have to say all these. If you can't listen to point of views in a positive manner, then you are never going to improve. I'm sorry, but i still have to say this, don't be offended, but, if life is going to give you criticism and you are just going to counter each and everyone of them, then you are never going to be successful. Like what the teachers said, dont bother defending yourself, or start scolding the person who criticised you, but rather thank that person for their judgements, and do something about it to imrpove yourself. If you admit other people's criticism or unpleasant remarks, it doesn't matter whether they're right or wrong, just embrace it, for what they say might be true. Air your views in a composed manner, and you will realise how it helps. No point shouting, your friends may support you, but remember, there would always be people who would look down on you.

If life gives you lemon, don't squeeze it on someone else, turn it into lemonade, and drink as though it's sweet, because for all you know, it might help you(it has anti-oxident)

2009-12-31T21:11:00.005+08:00

My Last Post

yupps, for this year, for this blog.

my apologies who finds out this blog a little too late. but, no matter, you could probably read my previous ones.

so, tml's a new year, 1st jan 2010. a new beginning. everyone's probably waiting for the countdown.

just went to singapore river, somewhere at the merlion, it was crowded with closures here and there.

this year was quite a hard but fruitful year. all the changes, all the hardships, and all the lessons learnt through the hard way. it all happened this year. however, as i said, if i were to relive a year again, it would be this year.

they say it's the hardships that make one grow and learn, that's true in my eyes, as i've experienced it.

what've seen and what i've learnt, it's definitely not pleasant, but all so meaningful. i've seen it clean, but definitely not clear, since i've still got lot's to learn, knew things to disover.

the world ain't as simple as it turns out to be after all, and sometimes i wonder why they say it's out of the world and it aint so simple within.

firstly, i would like to thank so many people who made this year o' so meaningful.
1) wang lao shi for his guidance and his life lessons, i truly appreciated it.
2) haoyu for being a competitor and pushing me on as well as a good tablemate.
3) bingting for being a....IP mate. hehe
4) lenard fr being a "good" vice-chairman. lol
5) tingjun for all your vulgarities and a messenger between "us". no comments on this hor (you know i know can alr, and if you dont knw, tht's even better)
6) vball team for being such a "motivating team" and making me angry now and then.
7) sec ones(vball) for being such nice juniors like guan yu and zhengxiang, and yihung for being funny.
8) ccl board for giving me boring duties everytime.
9) section one for being such crazy section and makes me wanna cover my face everytime.
10) Gr for being such a good class that drives all teachers crazy
11) keith for being such a good friend who talks to me about his problems
12) kenneth for being a botak and shares with me about himself. let's own lit. let's own lit someother time and go to your hse and use your binoculars for ahemahem. haha.
13) yuki for being lame and crazy.
14) yingjie for being stupid and makes me wanna laugh everytime, just like yihung. no wonder you all are in the same class.
15) and many more who made my year so terrible.
sorry if your name is not here, too tired to think anws

if there's one thing i learnt this year, it would be not trusting too much on anyone. who's there to trust? who cares anyway.
there's never an easy way out in anything in this world
be more flexible and not rigid. always think from another point of view. relax.
yeap. tht's about it. i've got nothing more to say anyway, it's all kept within me, for me to think.
gonna start another private blog to brush up my english.
happy new year everyone!!!
everything ends here. it depends whether i feel like telling the link to everyone bah..

and sometimes, i hope to be yet so innocent.

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
This innocence is brilliance
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
it's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don't go away
Cus I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

2009-12-31T13:21:00.002+08:00

i just woke up and had brunch.
well, today's the day.
let's talk about ytd first.
it was kinda tiring but fun, which probably explains whhy i got up so late.
woohoo, and our class won the big prize. hehe.
had fun with them, though it was kinda crazy during the skit performance.
but, good job everyone.
danced sorry sorry by super junior. gosh, i dont think im ever gonna listen to that song again.
crazy crazy experience
cze i only took a few hours to know how to dance it, and had to perform it, but so did the sec ones larh.
a memorable camp fire.
tnks everyone.

probably blogging later.

2009-12-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

today's orientation for sec ones.
ee, i hate the cheers, give me goosebumps. what boom ji shit. and the tiu. haha. sick..
and what nanana, zz..nvm
IRON (nickname) gave me this stupid video, it's damn funny, although it's stupid, cze normally stupid things are funnny.
hahahahah, plse watch this when you are really concentrating, dont let other things disturb you. hehehehehehehe stupid video.

many thnks to 11 who remembers what i said.

2009-12-26T21:53:00.004+08:00

if the world was the sea, then i would probably be a sand underneath, at the sea bottom, so insignificant, yet trying to find my importance. the world probably isnt as simple as we would have imagined, or at least, what i have imagined. you try to stay afloat, trying to get by your everyday, but what's the use? do you intend to do this till you die? we live our life just for once. once. and tht's how you are going to live it. i just realised how mistakes isnt the end of the world. when you look at short term, you might think that failure in academics is the end of the world, but when looking at long term, the day you lay breathless is when you really fail. your body's failed you. the feelings just different., and im just all mixed up. And all this while, i realised what a failure i was. i was just reading a book. a very good book. it taught me life. what's the definition of real hardwork. and you would realise that if you were working hard, then you're doing it the wrong way (and if you're not,then you better start doing something about yourself). what we're competing is not within ourselves, but the whole world. it's the survival of the fittest for the best jobs. what seperates you from the rest of the world. tht's what this book taught me. i hope i understand it, and do it.

Browsing through peoples' life, i guess everyone just has their own problems. you, me, everybody. so hectic. and if you think ppl are talking about you, dont waste yourself guessing their topic, cze no one bothers to even mention about yourself. i guess we should just not bother about what others think about us. life's about me, not you. seeing how people are yet so unfortunate, i can only turn a blind eye, for my cold heart tells me that the clock's ticking.

sometimes, i just wanna bury my head in my blanket, not caring about anything. but i know it's not gonna happen. studies. love. friends. family. future. career. relationships. death. MY LIFE. we have yet some many things awaiting us, but no one exactly knows how they are gonna come. tragedy? charmed? i dont really wanna care but, it's just not within my range of control.

and whenever you come to my mind, all i can say is...you're better left alone. an answer would be good. a yes or a no. but im just too tired for all of this. whr's passion when i need it in you. and i kept saying how good you were, but im just too afraid that it's going to be a big disappointment when i know you once again. No one's perfect, or at least my definition of perfect. but i still hoped for a miracle that one day, just one day, you would fit into my category. at this point of my life, i can only say how sick im tired of these things. they come and go. i've seen, i've lived. yet i cant believe im wasting myself in miraces. this feeling is just self-conflicting. i want it, yet i dont want it, cze for all i can say, im afraid of yet another disappointment. if im gonna gamble myself on you, i hope we would be on the winnings table. stupid analogy, but that's what i can think of. and sometimes, it's all for the fun, not for the heart.

the last post. it's drawing near, the end, it's coming, i can feel it.im just too tired.
P.S. mr mak, keep your comments to yourself.

2009-12-26T12:53:00.002+08:00

it's christmas. a boring one, but actually not so luh.
went to tiong first thing in the morning. we decided to go BOTANIC GARDEN. which we did.
so my family decided to buy KFC and go there to for a breakfast/picnic. so, since nearest KFC is at tiong, so just went tiong lor. i thot i saw someone, but, nvm. not important. cant possibly be.
reached the garden at around 8. had breakfast on the grass we a vast view of trees and the greenery. a cool cool breakfast. yeah, then decided to go Istana cze we thot it was a holiday and it would be opened, but, nope. it was not. then we nothing till at night, went for dinner at jumbo. the one at the national stadium, kallang. then went to the macs and ordered macflurry. blah blah. then went home. yupps. tht's my christmas FAG.
a wonderful indeed. so tired.

and i thot i saw someone i would never wanna see ever again which i know i would eventually see someday

2009-12-24T13:19:00.004+08:00

just came back from camp ytd.. 3d2n
zz...it's not tht i dont wanna update, it's cze i cant mr mak. lol. speak for yourself man. everytime take so long to update de.
it's been a tiring vball camp. very very tiring. had almost twelve hours of training and twelve hours of resting per day for two daysz
had night training(s). on both days, since both days did play at night, till around 10-11 plus..
back aches, calf muscles' painful. god.totally exhausted. but it was real fun...stupid jokes, lagging ppl, and all the laughters, not forgetting all the whacks from ballls. lol. vjc ppl came and have friendly match with us..
they are uhhhhhhhh....i dont wanna say. ok larh..lol. had a "sleep by the lake" on the second night. then suddenly raining, everyone ran back in to sleep. sooo unexpected. zzzz...haix, if it didnt rain, i would've slept all the way till morning. it was real windy. LAND BREEZE. had some mosquito bites though.
got back home, and sleeping on the bed is like being in a fairytale land. so comfortable. lol
tired...

and it's everyman for himself..

2009-12-19T21:57:00.003+08:00

this show is good. very good in fact. almost ALMOST dropped tears. it's about a love story and if you havent heard of it, here it is. "love in the city" it's really touching, how difficult people in love are always hard to get together. there's always things that seperates us. great show i must say.

although the picture gives a kind of uninteresting impression, seriously, dont judge a book by it's cover. you really hav to watch this.
enough said. well. if you have time, no harm just watching it though.

2009-12-13T17:38:00.054+08:00

srry if yr comp is lagging cze of my blog or something cze there's a lot of phtos
my trip to taiwan. there's a mixture of phtos and videos.
finally finished this post. lemme see. i took around two days to complete this cze it's real long.
but, no matter, enjoy!

taiwan airport! finally. lol.

our first dinner there.. and the fruits : we are like forever eating orange for every meal, cze it's their seasonal fruit.zz...

our first hotel, finally. the plane ride is tiring. sleeeeep.

2nd day.

you have to have a look at the truck. it's funny. it has this funny noise to attract the ppl's attention so they would know tht the garbage truck is here, and it's self service, you throw yr rubbish yrself into this truck. lol.

guess whose shadow is this. lol.

some 文武庙. have ppl like 孔子 and others.

first group photo!! small group leh. so good. three family, only 13 of us. third from the left, a brilliant mother you have to respect. sshe's nice and knowledgable.

beautiful flowers. so so beautiful, like a paradise.

on a cable car ride. sweet. cant believe the place is so big.

yet another day! so fast...so, we spent most of this day climbing mountains. this is one of the stops. and, my good good driver, the man in white, third from the right. he's a very nice guy.

bullet train. though you dont feel tht the train is going fast in the inside, it's actually going at 300km/h.

chou dou fuu. lol. my experience with it. erhh. i just dont quite like the taste of the sauce, and yeah. it's smelly.

skip 4th day.

5thday, went to visit sceneries. i forgot the name of this place uh. but all still memorable.
steep rocky mountains. cool. very high up.

the water and stuffs. quite nice heh. but, trust me, you wont wanna be down there swimming

pigggggggggggggggggggggg. reminds me of someone big and fat. lol. but, this is made of some expensive stone. lol

my big big bus. quite big for the 13 of us. we can seat anywhr anytime.

finally reached this place called 荷兰村，but it's night time alr. buttttt..

firecrackers time!! cze the place is quite remote, we get to play with the firecrackers. quite fun uh. lol

6th day, and we woke up quite early to have a tour around the village.
my first driving experience apart from gold cart!! this one can reverse somemore. lol..this is fun, i get to drive around the whole place. my eyes are weird in the photo. i think is cze of the sunlight. GLARING

babooon. big red butt. lol.

cow, kao! reallll smelly, but the ice cream was nice. mooooo. lol. this was the dairy farm.

checked out of the hotel and on our way to some whr else. you would not wanna drop down there, cze it's a one way ticket to hell. lol. it's steep. and, the travelling journey is loooooooong. lol

hotel room, finally. -.- you might wanna notice the toilet door at the right side, only the middle part is covered, which means outside ppl can see yr head and feet. lol. got the romantic feeling heh...lol.

7th day!! we went up the mountain area and went for the streets selling snacks. but, those are like small streets, quite cramp, and full of stairs. you are gonna enjoy it, but depends if you are walking up the stairs, or down the stairs.

tong luo shao!!! i feel soo...doraemon. lol. but this one is with ice cream in it. nice leh..

the dog is all by itself, biting it's own leash. very funny，牵着自己走。

aww poor but dashing soldier. they have to stand there in this position and not move for one whole hour!! they cannot afford to move lehh. tht's their job i think. NCC botak! dont you just wish to be like him. lol

ferris wheel!!! a pity we did not have a chance to go up there. only pass by it.

lol, the kid. dude, your sign doesnt make you any cool-er!! zz....

taipei 101, it's night view is quite nice. all the lightings and stuffs
grand hyatt hotel!!!! lol. five star lehhhhhhh. a pity the internet nneeds money. and, it's just beside taipei 101. should be quite ex uh one night

christmas trrreee....quite short. cze the ceiling also quite short.

the hotel room. quite nice uh. i just remembered tht the tv here has 50 over channels, maybe a 100.

taipei 101 shopping centre! cannot buy anything uh. all branded goods. and, the shopping centre is only till 5th floor.

this is coool. people walking in all directions, including diagonally. but i just realised orchard road have, not really sure. but this one is only can walk from 5pm-11pm. i think. lol.

this is my coach again.

Chan brothers travel!!! lol. the tour i took was from this company.

woohoo, we reached another theme park called 六福村 :)

my bro and my mother friend's son. tht guy is soo quiet tht he barely talks. and, you dont get to see his smile everyday.

the small kid taking the ride. he was real scared.....zzz...and crapped quite alot.

this is the roller coaster ride. doesnt seem like it ehh. haha, cze it actually goes all the way up vertically. lol. and this is one fast ride.

this is one of the games, where you drop vertically. free fall. fun!!

woohoo, the favourite game of all time, spinning at 360 degrees. lol. hang upside down uh. shiok. but, not really tht scary though. but it was fun.

last day!!! so we went to taipei 101 to have a look. hmms. not going to taipei 101 when you go to taiwan is like....being in winter without experiencing snow. lol

the adults buying the tickets.

the phto from above, inside the building, taken from one of the window pane

phto with one of the walls in there. beautiful isnt it.

the 91th floor, the observatory outdoor area. only opened at 12noon and lucky we managed to get up there before we headed for the airport.

this is the ariel view of taipei 101 outside in the open

our last picture...awww group ptho!

sad, what a nice tour group. better than i expected.

seems crazy. so many pthos. spam alr!!

jiaqi, you better do something like this when you come back. lol.

there's still quite alot of photos though, but of cze, i cant put it all up.

it's quite a fun trip, those memories, but at the same time, i've learnt a few lessons myself from what i had experienced there. and i just realised how big the world is.

i've lived, i've learnt.

2009-12-12T13:30:00.004+08:00

came back from tttaiiiwan. enjoyable trip, but not tht so at the same time.
i learnt many things, i've lived, i've learnt. something i found out tht i dont like is the ppl there. the attitude. they just dont bother about others, likke when they collide onto you, they dont even turn around and walk away. fish. but i shall just remember the good memories and forget the bad ones. the whole tour group has been much friendly, especially our driver. many thanks to those who made my trip enjoyable. im just touched by what the driver and our tour guide has done for us, more than what they should do. didnt reallly online the past few days there cze the internet neeeds money!! but, nvm

pictures next time, 700 over pthos leh. i needa be selective... shoots. still got so many things to do. byes

2009-12-08T23:18:00.003+08:00

TODAY.
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww........so many hotel dont have comp, and even have comp, needa pay. so, finally came to a FIVE STAR hotel which has comp. it's kinda relaxing these days, been to two hot springs cze the area here is situated near the mountains, and the senery is perfect. waves, mountains, and water falls. perfect. our tour members are good. friendly, and the bus driver and tour guide are nice tooooooo. the bus driver is very very nice, going to the extend of buying for us local food and making the extra mile to stop around and give us the best backdrop for pictures. he's smart.
ok, first, an update of where i left.
shoots. ok, forgot liao.
let's jump to the next day. errrr....it was mostly travelling, cze we were going to the dong bu of taiwan. which i dunno what dong is in english. and, we took a train from taipei down. stupid train. so slow. cannot beat the experience on bullet train. anw, yeah, then reached this holland village, a farm area. and the bus driver stopped and intro us places to buy fire crackers. yeah... it was fun. but, it was kinda late already. then, went to hot spring and sleeeeeeeeeeeep, my favourite part. lol
so, here comes today. today rocks!!!!!!!!!
first thing in the morning, toured the village, it's not exactly a village cze it's facilities are quite good. in fact, the room is big, the place is surrounded by mountains at every corner, and it feels as though we are in a valley.
and, sooooooooooo. we rented a buggy, the golf car thing. it's biggggg and you can defintely get lost there. lucky we had our map. so, alot of animals, birds, monkey, dear, camel, and the best partttttttttttttttttt, i get to drive!!!!!!!! lol
actually, you can only drive if you have a driving's licence but, WHO CARES. lol.
it's funnn, hehe. you hardly get to drive in singapore except some nooob goldcarting. lol. then, my father dont let me drive, so i became my tour guide's driver on another buggy, cze the tour guide herself has one for herself. lol. yeah, it was fun. then packed and left for here. it definitely took alot of time to travel here. zzz...at around dinner time, reached this place. yeah. hot spring again!!! but before tht, we went for the night market, and tasted delicious fooooood. lol
then, had this thing called the dr. fish thing, where the small fish nibble on your leg. ticklish. yeah, then sleep lor.

oh, and over here, there's this street girls selling binglang, a food tht keep drivers awake, something like coffee, and they call them xishi, cze they are pretty. lol. quite alot of them bah, and the driver occassionally stops to buy them. yeah. buttttttt. it's really becze they need it then they buy hor. dont think sick.
lala. had been quite relaxin bah, and i havent been to tapei 101 YET. soon i guess. and, taiwan's big, travelling time takes up most of the trip, but the scenery is really not bad, but, i would rather sleep :)
i love this trip, though i forgot most of it. lol. shall look at the pictures to refresh my memory. but, i would probably remember tht driving thing.\

ohohooh, i just remembered when jiaqi was talking to me and reminded me.hahaa, the hot spring, some places need to be naked. haha quan luo. omg. i dont dare go. lol. so use public one. hehehhe, and then this adult in our tour, go cze he just nice, never bring swimming trucks, and the kids started calling him the naked one since ytd. haha, tht was really funny....

it's just, fun....and, i've seen things from a news perspective, an inspiration i got from the greens and blues surrounding me, as well as the cold cold air.

2009-12-05T21:49:00.004+08:00

SOoooooooo, still in taiwan, of course, second day.
at this rate, i think i can go online everynight cze all the hotels should have internet access at the lobby.
but, we are always changing the hotel, cze we are at different parts of this island, cant possilby camp at one place.
yeah, alot of things happened today, went places to relax, play, and eat!
and note tht relax is really relax with fresh air and not play :)
the air here is turning hotter though idk why. but, it's just nice.
the warm sun with the cold wind. it's....shiok!!
haix, ok, so, first things first bah. one of the most important things.
i almost lost my lithium battery which costs 70 for the camera. hehe. omg, i freaked out.
zzz.. in the end it was in one of my smaller pockets of my jeans..
haix..i was really really really scared. then went to amusement park with all the roller coaster rides. 360 degree turn. woooohoo, but i think i sprained my back.
the roller coaster was..uh...very fun. scary? uh, not quite larh. but, the wind going against my face was so strong tht tears was actually forced out. omg..yeah, today was fun. then went to the nightmarket. alot of ppl!! especially when today is saturday -.-. squeeze here squeeze there. haha, and i heard someone saying, better be careful or will kenna molested. haha. but, the food was nice. the hot dogs, they call it xiang chang, and uh someother stuffs:).
this is a tour travel bah, along with my mother's friend's family. cze go tgt, more fun? lol. only got three family in the group. and there are no girls!!!! all boys. sucks. and everyone was like saying, if only there was at least one girl. lol. sad...haha. and the tour guide was like asking me if i have a girlfriend, and she says it's top secret, she wont tell anyone. haha, as if i will tell her. lol.
everyone's friendly, nice sceneries here cze of all the hills and mountains and stuffs. ohoh, and went to watch the uh, cultural show, dance. haha, so cold, and the ppl dancing not wearing any clothes. of cze, it's guys only. but, only got one clothe cover the down there ahem. buttttt is uh..half exposed. haha. and they said tht ding zi ku is actually for man. lol
eeeeeeeee..took a video larh, but can upload only after i have touched down in the homeland.
actually, i also took alot of phtos.
lala. aww. my back still hurts.
yeah, ok, nothing bah, more adventures tml?
haix, i thiink im stating down my list of happenings cze im afraid tht when im back, i've forgotten everything tht has and had happened. lol.

yet im so carefree. they say happiness comes from wtihin, as long as you know you're happy, you are happy. and you will be.
this is yet so relaxing, the fresh air. the peace and quiet...a pity it's only for a mere 8 days. and im happy and enjoying myself, it's all tht matters.
FOR NOW....

2009-12-04T22:21:00.002+08:00

wooohooo, cant believe can blog in taiwan. haha. it's cold, but not freezing, but when you exhale, it's cold enough to breathe out white air. haha. idk how to describe it. it's super quite in the neighbourhood, in this hotel, but it's quite grand larh i would say, got 2 desktop and one macbook. plus free internet, and most of all, it's peaceful. i still cant believe i can blog. pictures when i come back bah..
my hands are cold, very cold and im in the lobby with no one else except probably the staff working. but it's cool, i cant believe my mum actually allows me to sit here as long as i want :)

2009-12-03T19:13:00.003+08:00

i would hang you by my collar, with this wish,
but i hope it wouldn't come true,
i'm in a mix,
talk to me wil ya.
it's coming back, this feeling of reminiscent...
a long long time....
i hate this,,, sighs.....
and sometimes, i dont even know why i'm doing this when i've already gotten over you.
a long long time....ago.
did you regret the times we had. i did. how i wished you belonged to someone else before.
and my wish, i hope i would stare into yr eyes and relive this feeling again.
i cross my heart. i really dont want this, unless...

thinking about the better times, i must've been out'ta my mind

2009-12-03T17:03:00.003+08:00

the 69th post.
attention ppl. going taiwan tml, dont sms me :), but dont think anyone will.
but im not gonna be like kenneth, early in the morning sms make ppl wake up :)
no need to show off to the whole world you going msia larh botak...

ok, probably the last post be4 i go.
finsihed packing and stuffs, but my leg hurts
vball training, what the, pro ppl come leh alumni. woohoo, the ball was like lightning, and the rebound sound touching the ground was like thunder. haha. play with them can kill, if it hits your face.. they super pro larh. but, nvm, i should learn from them. now my leg hurts after running around sooo much.

but, i must admit, it was super duper fun, better than playing with any other chungcheng vball members. haha. no offence.
they are like.. hmms, 20, 18 years old, at their peak of their physical abilities. after army leh!!!

im limping!! im LAME..lol.

hmms, lala, hope it heals by tmr

2009-12-02T16:32:00.002+08:00

haix, i needa pack soon for taiwan.
and, cant believe im actually sharing one luggage with my bro -.-

there are probably alot of things to bring.zzz...

it's gonnna be a long long ride.and when it's the end of others' journey, it's only where mine has just begun.there's lot's of things to do after tht. damn. i have to finish this book or i wont makeit in time.

i hope i dont get this feeling i once had when im on the plane.looking out of the plane window, thinking of you, and all the memories flow.and i thought i would get over what we once had.it's a new beginning. anything can happen, but i really dont wish to start this all overagain.it is just gonnna kill me

2009-11-29T19:51:00.002+08:00

i just heard this song on the radio. kinda nice.
but, the official MV is much better.
the girl's kinda good-looking, haha, and yuki, she's better than megan fox.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN-KHjvef_k&feature=related

sometimes, i dont even know why i'm doing this. it's probably just a rush, a split second crush and i took it for love.
this can't happen, not anymore.

2009-11-29T15:04:00.002+08:00

It’s a long way down…
Bye Bye kinda makes me treasure the people around me.
Sighs, this anguish inside me, for what I’ve been, a lousy person. I’ve never treasured every moment I had with who I loved. And I regret, and I can’t help but hate myself, for what I’ve done, and who I’ve been. This feeling really sucks, but I just keep getting it. If there’s one person I loved most in my family, it would be my grandmother. All these years, the support, the words had spurred me on. I would never how hard life would be without her. I would cry, but I hope with no regrets. I cant afford to lose her. And everytime the thought comes, I just feel that a part of me is being taken away, and tears, they just flow. I wanna treat her well, for every second I can be with her, I will. I just, cant control the emotions. Sighs, people live, but people die. But I just can’t take the blow. Even as im typing, im choke by the tears tht’s tearing my eyes.
Iloveyou, my pillar of hope. i’m not even sure why I typed this, but, at least I get to say it before it’s too late………
Ok, let’s talk about something happy.
ok this is funny, I actually said this to my senior

DAWN(*) child of GOD:D says (11:01 PM):
awwww
why so grumpy!
anyway, i'm calling you "THE WALKING GIANT" from now on:D
When life gives you lemon, turn it into lemonade, dont complain it's sour says (11:02 PM):
haha
whatever
if i were a giant
the first thing i would wanna do is crush you!!!!
muahahaha

And, yeah, she is short. There’s more, but, no matter, it’s all along the same line.
Sighs, and I’ve hurt my leg again. I fell down. Now there are more wounds on my leg!!!-.-

Hmms, then, this is by FYI, but first, guess the person’s name. haha
a) For your info.
b) Fool yuki
c) Fk yuki
d) Foo yuki
Haha. This is funnnnnnnnn.

Credits to her who typed this, but it’s cze I told her to. Found this inspiring, and it really inspired me.

Saying something and wishing you hadn't?or saying nothing and wishing you had?I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.If you do, they might break your heart…..if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much…for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done,or could have had.
What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)
What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?*
People live, but people die.

Good luck to yuki and Lenard. Haha. This is sooooooo funn. Hehe.
One couple done, one more to go. Haha, tht “Ka and Ke” couple.

I cant really find any difference between them.
1) Both find an insult to be with each other
2) Both come from the same primary sch
3) Both live around the same area
4) Starting letter of each character are the same
5) Both likes to quarrel with each other in front of me
6) Both thinks they rocks
7) Both are f*t (haha)

Wait till someone forgets her teddy bear. Then a new relationship will be born. And then a baby will be born. Haha
If you wanna know who the ppl are, it would most likely to be the first one who starts shouting at my textbox. Hehe.
Sighs, unappreciative? Appreciate it. Lol.

Ok, then ytd, went for dinner. No time take pictures luh, busy eating. Haha. It’s at jumbo, and my father signed a new card which gives discount if go there eat. 20 I think.

Ohoh, and I heard this on the radio, super funny.
THE PROBABILITY OF PPL LOOKING AT YOU IS PROPORTIONAL TO THE STUPID THINGS YOU DO. Haha

Quite funny uh.

im sick and tired of this. And I try and try to walk away.
But, it’s just no use. Every time I look at you, and I turn away, and sometimes, I wonder if you even think of me.
What’s there to think of anw. Tht face full of aggressive, and I wonder if we could return to the past.
But, tht’s not possible isn’t it. Even if I want to, I cant. I cant afford it, I cant risk it, I don’t want it.

Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry
And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's good to be so warm
And i don't want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

Introduce another song. It’s super nice..at least, something I can relate to.

The lyrics really makes sense for both songs, at least something tht gives me further thoughts
…few lines tht makes sense

To tell you I was wrong, but you already know
Believe me, I won't stop at nothing
To see you, so I've started running
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause there's no life after you
Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind

You and I, right or wrong, there's no one. After this time I spent alone, It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind. Thinking about the better times, Must've been out of my mind

don't turn away

dry your eyes, dry your eyes don't be afraid but keep it all inside,

all inside when you fall apart dry your eyes,

dry your eyes life is always hard

Please hold on, its alright

Please hold on

Sighs, going overseas to taiwan nex week, still wondering if i should look forward to it...

2009-11-27T14:59:00.002+08:00

The sufferings.
What a day ytd with the new classmates.
went iceskating. arhhhhh. ok. first timer.
fell 3 times, had 4 blisters and one cut. but, tht's not the worst part.
the worst part is colliding with ppl i dont know...
speechless, but fun.
the thing about this is, you can go very fast, but you cant stop. haha.
and, wear two socks or you will end up getting blisters you cant imagine. zz..
but kinda fun larh.
awww..im screaming in my bathroom. painpainpainpainapain.
sighs..i feel like i've been bashed up. but at least i learnt a new skill.
going out later for dinner, woooooots. yippee. maybe can take some pictures. lala.

we probably aint meant for each other. just let go.
love's gone, forevr, and i m not finding it back.

two is better than one;;

2009-11-25T18:36:00.004+08:00

hihihi.
so.., today went to central library to borrow some books wanted and have to share with the class at the start of sch..zz...god, i think im gonna be a book worm soon..zz.. anw, after that went to buy secondhand books. Sighs, i heard some fellow telling his parents tht he wanted new ones, not secondhand. but hey, if you're poor, you just have to admit it. you cant go around having things you cant afford, tht's what the father said bah. but, it's not that bad, they are still books, no matter new or old. if you are keen to study, even a book in it's worst state could help. so, toured bras basah then went home. and, it took me the whole afternoon. bought a few textbooks bah..

tomorrow bro's results coming out. wonder how it would go. dont want him to follow in my goddamn footsteps.dont come this sch!!!hehe. cross fingers plus toes. disappointment or excitement? wish him the best :)

sighs, and yeah, my arm's still pain. it's like some kind of bruised feeling, when you hit it, it starts to pain. weird -.- wonder if it's an infection. lol. i think it kinda swelled. AND IT'S PAIN!! sighs. hope it get's well.

according to you, im stupid im dumb, but yeah, whatever.
just get me out of here. i never wish to see you again. dont meet me, not ever again.
dont wanna fall for this again. im afraid i cant resist this feeling i once had. it's just gonna come back isnt it;
hope not. forget you, forget me.

2009-11-24T14:15:00.002+08:00

Made belief
Just taken my flu jab ytd. kinda numb
I wanted it to be on my left arm, cze I thought it would be stronger or something, but the doctor insisted on my right arm cze it would be easier for me to take the jab in my position. Zzz. Weird. Guai shushu. Lol
This feeling. It’s weird. Whenever I move too much, it would have a sharp pain, then it would numb or something. BUTBUT, must reinforce tht it was not pain at all during the jab and I didn’t cry out loud or whatsoever. Lol. Why do ppl have the mindset of someone crying while taking an injection.
My whole right hand is nothing but pain and numb, and now, I feel lucky to have taken it on my right hand. Heh.

Pain Pain Pain. Numb

Another song:)
only liked the front part
"wake up wake up" yeah, but quite soft. COOL. but this aint the original MV. the orignial is better. more...EMOTIONAL.

Tic-tic-toc-toc
Tic-tic-toc-toc
I know you must have had a long day
Cause at six o’clock I heard you say
There was something that was on your mind
But you ain’t told me and it’s almost nine
Now it’s nine o’clock and I thought we could talk
But you ain’t givin’ it, girl
Will this ever end?
Girl, it’s almost ten
Gotta know if you’re mad at me before Grey’s Anatomy
Cause we could drag this out all night, until
It's 2 in the morningGirl, what do you wanna do?
Do you wanna fight?
Wanna say goodnight?
If you tell me you want it, this could be over
Cause it's 2 in the mourning
Girl, what do you wanna do?
Do you wanna fight?
Wanna say goodnight?
If you tell me you want it
This could be over
Lights are out, don’t wanna wake you so, I’m creepin’ in
I know you’re hurt cause baby, I’m not sleepin’ in
My favorite pair of boxers that you make look so hot, girl
Girl, you look asleep but I know that you’re not, girl
And now it’s 12 o’clock and I thought I should talk
But girl, you’re not listening
Here we go again, you know I like it when
You got your back to me,
But now when you’re mad at me
Please look at me and say goodnight
It's 2 in the morning
Girl, what do you wanna do?
Do you wanna fight? Wanna say goodnight?
If you tell me you want it, this could be over
Cause it's 2 in the mourning
Girl, what do you wanna do?
Do you wanna fight? Wanna say goodnight?
If you tell me you want it, this could be over
I wanna come over, baby, turn over
Girl, I’ve been laying up all night (up all night)
Just waiting for your kiss goodnight (goodnight)
Even if you’re mad at me (mad at me)
You know we shouldn’t go to bed angry
It's 2 in the morning (2 in the morning)
Girl, what do you wanna do?
Do you wanna fight? Wanna say goodnight?
If you tell me you want it
This could be over
Cause it's 2 in the mourning
Girl, what do you wanna do?
Do you wanna fight? Wanna say goodnight?
If you tell me you want it
This could be over
We could work it out (wake up wake up)
We could work it out (get up get up)
We could work it out, I wanna come over
We could work it out
We could work it out
We could work it out, I wanna come over..

---
the lyrics are...hmms....words i cant relate? i can only feel the tune. yeah.
the end, is near, for the rise of a new beginning.

2009-11-23T12:04:00.002+08:00

If you only knew..
good song man.

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned
[Chorus]
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew
If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that wen't wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,Or letters that I sent
[Chorus]
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew
If you only knew
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
You help me live and learn
[Chorus]
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, believe in is you
I still believe in you
Oh, if you only knew

---
if you only knew. a nice song, very very nice song. I pity some ppl dont appreciate!!!!
but, nvm.
what brings us so close, yet tears us apart. People never realise how much time they have lost until their mishaps has left a big print on them. The impact, too late. If it's time to let go, perhaps we should. No point clinging on to something beyond our reach.
No one's ever too dumb to do anything. it's a matter if they want to try it or not. When all out fails, we dont. i dont, i will never. it's probably how much i've learnt for the past months, wouldnt say years. When failure comes to you, accept it, learn from it, and move forward. No point crying and getting so upset over it, cze there's nothing you can do. When you fail, you cry, but, at the same time, not accepting means losing precious time. No point. Might as well tell yourself to work harder, and start working hard. this way. though you have failed, you will understand that "hey, this is the best i've done, i've did this with no regrets". There's no limit to our competence. the only limit is our fear. To overcome our fear, ourselves, tht's the greatest challenge in all humanity. To what we will become, the unknowable. But, treasure every minute of our lives, work hard for it, and live our life to the fullest, that should be what we should be doing. What's life when you have to suffer in the future. What's fun when you cant enjoy it thoroughly when you think about yr failure in academics. No one would understand it anw. until reality comes one day and blows them all away when they are 21. Start getting ready, and you will realise, you are always one step ahead of others. I'm prepared. Always prepared. For the known, unknown, and unknowable. Never give up, never in your whole life, cze it's not wise to do so. Cry, if you must, but not more than a day. For what is beyond this setbacks, climb back up and move forward. it's time.

i dont regret any days, nights we shared, and letters i sent.
if you only knew..
It's like taking one step forward and two steps back, i hope so. One step away, and two steps back to me.
I'm taking this path,

2009-11-21T19:57:00.002+08:00

it's nver enough...
it's not like that for me.
necessities to you might be treated as a gift for me.
a gift, today, for what we have tomorrow.

It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you
Wanted from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear.
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
Oh, it's like
One step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind,
Oh, it's like
Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be
It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe that's there's
No way out for you and me
And it seems to be,
The story of our life
Nobody wins when everyone's losing
It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I can't change your mind, oh
It's like trying to turn around on a
One way street.
I can't give
You what you want and it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
That maybe we're not meant to be
There's still time to turn this around
Should we be building this up
Instead of tearing it down
But I keep thinking
Maybe it's too late.
It's like one step forward
And two steps back,
No matter what I do
You're always mad
And I, can't change your mind, oh
It's like tryin to turn around
On a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I,
I finally see, Baby that we're not meant to be

-

maybe we really aint meant to be...the memories, forgotten...

what's there left to say.

to conquer the highest mountain, to swim the deepest sea.

it's long over

there's yet so much to learn, no point holding on to what we've lost

just the guy who's never gonna taste tht sweet love

heartless.

let the stabbing game begin

the border of trust

2009-11-19T21:50:00.003+08:00

what a day perhaps,
bloggging using len's laptop. gabriel's playing his wolf team, yeah, whatever. doesnt really bother me. dont even see the fun in it. lol. first of all, tnks for the gift, loved it, appreciated it. tnkstnkstnks. secret. a successful mission. first rating undercover. lol. yeah, tnks, really. tnks. i really appreciate it, though i probably dont show. sometimes, im just like this, i feel it myself, but i just dont express it. but, yeah, one big tnks for your effort. today was kinda....weird. omg, someone owes me a favour. tell me go fetch her friends in the rain, in the end the friends ran across themselves, make me wet for nothing. omg. omg. crap. but, nvm. went parkway after training. jiaolian. zzzz....f here and there. lala. not my business anw.
haix, i dont think im sleeping tonight, and heard mr choo's coming tml.

throw it away, forget ytd.
it just seems so peaceful at night, at least with my earpiece on. upstair's crazy.
a new beginning there? perhaps. ppl count me lucky, i just thing it's a challenge to outdo myself.

2009-11-18T12:18:00.002+08:00

lala, cant use blogger on another comp. zz...
cant blog for quite some time.
yay..bought something i wanted wooohoooo.
finally.
no one's happy for me anw. so, i shall just high about it myself.
lalala. bored at home. nothing to say.lala

2009-11-16T19:28:00.002+08:00

And sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing…
Haix, those ppl really spoiled my mood…
I don’t blame them. I blame myself for not settling myself in such a situation. People find it a joke, but I think it simply reflects me. Why was I so agitated, so frustrated? Why didn’t I keep my cool? It may seem stupid to be bothered over such people, but, it’s just that, when you go out in the society, we meet such people, and this is how I’m going to react? So disappointed with myself. Why couldn’t I just keep my cool. haix…what a loser I’ve been. The agony…I shall just take this as a learning lesson. Keep your cool no matter what. Violence aint gonna solve the problem. Take a step back while people are fighting and you would find yrself in a better position. After a night of thoughts, I just couldn’t sleep, for what I’ve done, for who I’ve been, and for how I’ve been. It’s never gonna happen again. I swear, never.
Take things slowly, take a deep breath…and let it out. Plan ahead of you. Don’t let their pace affect you in whatever you do. Plan for corners, aim, be in control. Be in control.
We only land onto earth once and if you aren’t gonna make the best out of it, then you’re better off suicide. Stop to care for others? No can do. Srry for not being a Christian.

2009-11-13T19:40:00.003+08:00

hey ppl..
quite a tiring but "fun" day perhaps.
went to vjc to buy uniform and stuffs, books totally diff from sec schs so cant use bro's books.
nvm, played some ORIETATION GAMES and in the end, had to do forfeit. zzz...dude, i WON, AND I HAD TO DO, with another girl, unfortunately, hope they did not take down tht video-.-
stupid lame idiot embarrassing.
anw, so i was wondering, if victoria integrated programe is called VIP, then what if raffles came up with a programme too? RIP? lol. hehe.
then, had tea reception and went home, but idk how to wear tht belt. =.=
and the pe pants is short.zz..
clarrisa the emcee. hehe. too nervous then forgot the script. nvm larh. even the principal encouraged you. everyone is bound to make mistakes anyway dont take it to heart.
nice experience though overall, seniors are high, gained acceptance and fame on the first day for all the wrong reasons. yeah. whatever.

2009-11-12T13:16:00.004+08:00

Arhh....horror of my life. -.-

this may seem a little exaggerated, but believe me, it's not the least untrue at all, until you have seen it.
urgh. camp. -.-
ccl camp. TOILET. yucks. pukes vomits.
wonder how the ppl are gonna salvage tht situation.
if you want a vague idea of it. well...
it's a toilet, super stinky, with bugs and some creatures you can't see lying around, grasses all over the floor mixed with mud and sand, and over you, you never know if a lizard is gonna drop on you when you bathe.
eewww....worst bathe i had, although no lizard dropped on me...
zzz....arhhh..horror.
back aching. arms wobbly.

zzz...games..urh....boring?
nightwalk.....dumb and boring? waited for 2 hrs until 2AM to be scared.=.=

zzzzz....
feel like dozing off right now..
didnt even sleep the whole night, and someone even dao-ed my sms, and replied at 5 in the morning when i sms-ed at 4.
so, nightwalk ended at 2 plus and lights out at 3.
but, in the end, cze bathe, then refreshed, cant even sleep at all.
everyone was busy snoring away, while i just sat outside the room watching trees and views.
it's so dark, but yet so quiet. peace, at least.
but, it isnt really cze i bathe so i cant sleep.
someone beside me was breathing in my face. omg=.=
and, everyone was snoring so loudly tht i just felt like smacking their faces.zzz...
so, stayed up the whole night, didnt even catch a wink. tried, but can't.
while ppl are busy sleeping, im busy watching the hands on my watch go by...
zz....cold hard floor.
cant believe it, i would rather fight with the gangsters to go to the other chalet and get to sleep on the bed.arh...
nvm, i should probably appreciate what ppl have done for us....
omg, the toilet - if this is gonna be like the army as mr yee said, i would suicide man.
lala...zzzz...went vball after tht, at least better than staying there..eew...
jw wanted to go at first, but half way say father dun let.zz..
but, at least i managed to crawl back to cchms. lala, head's spinning. eyes gonna close, but still managed to play. hehe
zzz....i think im gonna sleep for the hrs i should have slept 12 hrs ago.=.=
arhhhhh..
what an experience man....dead beat.
throw me into a pit larhhh someone. it's probably cleaner down there.
i think im gonna get nightmares from it...
sighs, you will never understand, just trying to keep myself awake by crapping. lala
here's a photo i took just as my hp no batt. lala, in the night, alone, in the darkness, with nature, and mosquitoes, i managed to get it. woohoooooo the night is so lonely, yet so perfect for me, the tinted light from street lamps. so quiet, once in a life time peace...

but overall, i have to appreciate what the S3 have done larh..it's no an easy job..
what a PLEASANT exeperience, wont wanna be in tht position again.
yingjie, you watch out.. hehe. smack you.

---------------------------------------------
recollect all thoughts and lock them up inside. you'll never see this part of me again.
get my drift? just let it go. no use holding on to what you know will end someday, tragically.
tmr's the start of my new life.
remember the barrier, the last defence. no one would ever cross tht boundary...
right the wrongs, this is the last time im gonna be talking so much crap.
don my new uniform, my new life.

2009-11-09T22:23:00.003+08:00

i see sunset in your eyes
dont forget the sunrise. it makes everything feel better

wasted a day going out with k.k couple and some guy i dont know.
at least i did something meaningful :)
happy b'day MAN.
shit. bought two candles short.
nvm. woohoo. felt great.
not gonna go out to library with ppl anymore. zz....SO condusive (not). =.=
lala.
rather lone it. it's probably better that way. no feelings no thoughts for others. who bothers anyway.

love is one thing i will never get

2009-11-06T17:10:00.002+08:00

get the hell out of my life.
i think i've said too much.
but, nvm.
it's all ended.
arh, cant believe im stil confused over it.

cze i dont want the world to see me..at least not what i've been thinking

2009-11-06T16:17:00.002+08:00

祸不单行

certainly came as a double blow.
lost a friend, it's just, so uncertain.
cant believe it's getting so distant.
sighs, what's it gonna be like.

life's just unpredictable. sometimes what we dont want just keeps coming towards us, and what we want just seems to so far away.
FAITH. AFFINITY. DESTINY. tht's all i can say.
can't believe its coming to an end.
though there's nothing left to prove. it's up to you to decide if you want a salvation.
hope you wont regret it.
stop procrastinating cze the day you wake up from yr denials, you will probably live to regret it.
i dont really care, hardships just keep pouring in. doesnt really matter if the pain of losing adds to the sufferings.
who bothers, who cares.
if you believe in it. then go for it.
before....
enough said. it's either an end, or an end for a new beginning. at least tht's what i hope for.

anw. dad's bday coming soon. think he had forgotten about it himself since he is busy. lol
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2009-11-02T15:44:00.002+08:00

its coming to an end.
but i really dont wish to regret this.
so many things to say yet no opportunity to do it.
haix, but all i wanna say is just tht simple word, "sorry"
sighsighssighs.
go out some other day? there's no whr to hide anyway.
just hope it isnt too late for this.
haix

2009-11-02T15:19:00.003+08:00

Sighs, you just cant let it go cant you.

let's probably just start with ytd,
went out to play last night with my little bro,
and when i say little, its not his size, its his immature little brain.
so, we were in the lift, when he decided to bloody hell open tht stupid life door.
and he went "see, i can open the door"
and he did, when the lift was still moving!
and suddenly, the lift stopped. totally. half way, and it went dark.
crap. but then, we pressed a button and it continued.
omfg. he simply had to just do it for amusement.
thinks he's the smartest in the family when he is the youngest.
urgh.
sometimes i wonder if he is primary 6 or six years old.
cant believe he is tht childish.
...............................................
anw, today went out first thing in the morning to vivo with tht botak.
chose a movie called "love happens"
and watched it.
and it totally sucked, draggy, boring, nothing in relation to its topic.
but, learnt some phrases from it.

chapter one, look at things from a new perspective.
chapter two, happiness is a state of mind. spend 3-5 minutes smiling a day and you will get it
chapter 3, fear is a state of mind, overcome it.
chapter 4, recovery is for acceptance.
chapter 5,when one thing ends, something else begins. look at a new chapter of life

howver, ghost of his girlfriend's past is probably much better than this.
nothing really in vivo, except saw cameras which i'm probably gonna buy.
and finally, be4 going home, saw someone. probably not worth mentioning
dont really care anw.
why would anyone want to go vivo, unless you have at least 100 bucks in yr pocket
window shpping? waste of time. never gonna watch tht movie again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------
so, the rain's pouring and thunder's roaring. what a suckish morning and afternoon
another boring day, like what it is gonna be for the rest of the hols.
lalala.

2009-11-01T11:33:00.002+08:00

Broken all my promises to you, broken all my promises to you

didnt want to, but i've got to. I'm sorry.
i just realised how fortunate i was. having such a supporting family.
a pity im not worthy of it.
shrouded in my aura of darkness. sighs..
just hope we would never see each other again.

prove me wrong.

2009-10-31T11:55:00.002+08:00

Extremely meaningful lyrics.. probably best song i heard.

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
we're hiding behind skin that's too tough
how come we don't say I love you enough
till it's to late, it's not too late
Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
we could make a feast from these crumbs
and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
so if your life flashed before you what would you wish you would've done
Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying
We only got86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying
And` if your plane fell out of the skies
who would you call with your last goodbyes
should be so careful who we live out our lives
so when we long for absolution there'll no one on the line
Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying
We only got86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]
We only got86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say
gotta live -- like we're dying
We never know a good thing till it's gone
you never see a crash until it's head on
all those people right when we're dead wrong
you never know a good thing till it's gone
Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start livin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying
We only got86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying oh -- like we're dying [x2]
We only got86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dyinglive like we're dying

---------------------------------------------------------

gotta live like we're dying.
i should, and i would.
tnks for the memories, i would always remember it.
sometimes, we get what we want when you dont want them, and dont get what we want when want them.
learn to let go and move on with your life, no point clutching what you cant get.-- FALSE HOPES.
I'm sorry.

2009-10-30T19:50:00.002+08:00

you are your own responsibility

such a disappointment. cant let this go own.
looking how proud they are of me, i cant let myself to be a disappointment anymore.
pick myself up, i have to promise myself to do better.
be with me

2009-10-29T22:35:00.002+08:00

give me a reason to look back.
it hurts to do so.
pledged to myself that i cant turn back anymore.
hold me tight. or risk losing what we have.
we dont have much time anyway.

2009-10-29T18:16:00.004+08:00

these are the things i probably wanted to say, but didnt really have the courage, sounds weird to me.

EXCLUSIVE to 2 grace and probably beyond:
so, let's probably start with my own life. this year wasnt really the best of year, or, probably the worst year i have ever had. everything didnt really went well at the start of the year for me. if there is one thing i regret, it would probably be being 2nd in level. it really stinks to be in tht position. everyone coming and praising, its just insatiable yet insecure. i would rather not have it. it makes you doubt yrself even more, doubting yr own capabilities. and tht was what i had been through. the rest of the year was just confusing and having unwanted difficulties within myself. it wasnt like this, it was never like this. but looking back, adversities had probably made me understand a few things. they are probably not tips to help you, but just consider thinking of it. Firstly, i would just hope that you all would not be playing but studying more than usual. im sure many of you have experienced the consequences of playing your card games and results really hasnt been that encouraging. BUT, no frets, there's still a tomorrow, a next year. If there is something lacking in you, i would say it would probably be your drive. if you cant find it, here's one for you. think of yr future, think of your studies as a foundation to what you will become. im sure no one wants to be anything of a low paid salary when you grow up. there are many ways to succeed, i cant deny it, but why not increase your chances of being successful? yes, ppl succeed, but in life, being successful takes 70% luck and 30% skill. but, why not master your 30% and wait for lady luck to shine on you? its not really about not playing, but moderating yrself. its what your passion lies in actually. if you think having fun will let you grow up to be what you want, by all means, but do consider that if you are wandering aimlessly, its never too late to turn back. think of what you want to be, and what you will become. 10 years down the road, some might be fortunate, but some might be blaming themselves for not working hard in the first place. why not leave regrets to the last resort and start doing what you should have done the day you decided to study? find yr drive, think of yr future. its never too late to start planning. The second thing i would like to give advice on would be relationships, which many are obviously involved in. Im not saying whether its good or bad. some get their drives frm there, so called the "power of love", but its just senseless to me. you want to get into one, you have to know how to do it the right way. again, you have to know how to moderate yourself between yr happiness and your studies. you need to have a balance if you want to start it. things like these come and go easily, i've personally experienced it, (who hasnt), but everything has its price to pay. Give you at most until you are in NS, things just fall apart. why even bother now when you know its gonna end that way? results are not everything, easy to say, hard to comprehend. at the end of the day, it just boils down to us comparing marks with each other. you really need to know yrself, to start this kinda unprotected relationships. im not trying to break you up, but just hoping you know what is best for yourself. the third thing i would like to say would be the taking in of opinions of others. never think that you are the greatest and shut off everything that you dont think it is right. in this life, there is no right or wrong. even the craziest idea can come to you as a wakeup call that there are many things in this world that you still dont understand. You might feel that its your enemy’s idea and you just put it away as soon as received it, but just think of it. Possibilities are endless. Never reject any ideas just because you think it is not right. You never know, it might just turn out to help you. Don’t be so hot- headed, cze its just gonna get you nowhere. Help yourselves to any idea that comes to you, and not throw it away. I would just like to say that you should cherish every moment of your life, take it seriously. Don’t doubt yourself and push yourself forward. There are no boundaries within you. its your fear that stops you the way you are. And, never me too proud of yourself, pride comes before a fall.

Think of your parents, for who have raised you up as child. We should not let them down. Prove it to them that you can do it. They say that education is the best investment. Show you are worthy of who you are and what you are. No one wants to be a disappointment, so before you start regretting, start working hard.

There is no such thing as being smart. It is the hard work that separates you from the rest. You reap what you sow, just work hard, no matter how much effort you would have to put in, cze you will find that in the end, the satisfaction proves that it is all worth it. Even if you did not get what you want, you know that you have tried.

Live your life with no regrets, you never know anything until you have tried. Be confident in whatever you do. Even if you fail, try try again, there will always be a day when you will succeed. Never give up. Do yr best, at least you tried.

Good luck and always remember to work hard, and never give up!

why do you do this to me.
its ended, it has finally ended.
all the misery, washed away

2009-10-27T21:19:00.003+08:00

LIFE GOES ON and on and on.
and endless road till the day you lie resting for eternity
its a harsh world out there, sighs..
cant really blame anyone but myself, what can i say.
no one really bothers, all they can do is point fingers back at me. wth.
blame myself, its time to meditate for all the wrongs i have done.
its time to turn the tables around

2009-10-26T15:21:00.002+08:00

42nd post.

its been a long road i hve taken and it all had to come down to this.
disappointment, utterly disgusted by my results.
its beyond my worst imagination.
cant believe i dropped so much.
sighs, complete devastation.
confidence has been broken into small fragments.
its hurting me.
hopes to snug into a shell and forget all this, unfrotunately, its not possible.
hoping to regain my confidence, i need to.
i think i need a breather...
you will never understand, no one will, no one ever looks deep within and tries to understand
no wonder bothers anw.
...sighs, complete disappointment, why had it gotta end this way.

2009-10-25T21:16:00.002+08:00

There are times when people get too confused. Even with a target, even with a belief, but it’s probably not enough. Even the strongest man can fall. No sign, no premonition, it just falls to the hands of fate. No one ever knows their destiny, but at least you can change it. It doesn’t take one day to change what you have become, but it brings determination to prove you can do it.
in this world, there seems to be two kinds of person.....
在这世上，我们总会看到社会里的两种人。第一是活在过去的人，而第二便是活在现在的人。活在过去的人以快乐的记忆当成生命力的推动力，相信自己以前能办得到，现在依然能办得到。这并不表示他们不快乐，因为他们能以快乐的记忆去看待美丽的第二天。活在现在的人则就比较现实，把明天当成一个挑战，对明天尽心尽力。可是，这并不表示他们会快乐。他们无法找到快乐的回忆，便把自己泡在未来的梦想，不想他人勾起自己伤痛的回忆，一心想逃避，却偷偷的寻找过去的答案。可是，最终，他还是告诉我们要珍惜人生的每一时光，因为只有这样，就算活在现在的人面对不如意的事时，他们能有快乐的回忆去隐藏自己黑暗的时光。

maybe things arent going smoothely but at least happy memories are there to stay..

2009-10-23T16:26:00.002+08:00

once again, i've got nothing to say, just wish i can get over this quickly.
really dont wanna relive this experience, its tearing me apart.
sighs, nothing much to say since its already been decided

2009-10-22T22:51:00.002+08:00

third post of the day
cant blame me, too many things to say today...sighs..
well, its time to face reality.
so, today really hasnt been a good day, believe it goes the same for everyone.
maybe life's been unfair, but we shouldnt really take things for granted.
yes, its been tough this time, but its probably not the end yet.
there are people around us, look around, and you will find support.
there are people less fortunate than ourselves.
take a step back and bring in a bigger picture, we see many more people suffering, not just us.
results aint everything, but its probably just a phrase that we delude ourselves with
i believe many are still concerned about their results,
and though yes, its important, but there are also things around us that are worth cherishing.
somethings to reconsider next time:

1) never do last minute revision
2) try going through everything tht makes sense

probably more, but this is not the point. believe yrself, even though tml's still gonna suck.
no point crying over spilt milk
以平常心去对待任何事情。

2009-10-22T21:10:00.003+08:00

arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
omg. what m i doing manx.
cant believe im wasting my time FIDDLING over spilled milk.
this is way dumb.
cant believe this
what's done is done, its not like you can do anything about it.
what's life without adversities.
darn, i see the light...nvm, it doesnt really matter about the scores. yes, scores aint everything.
cant believe i took so long to realise.
maybe i didnt score that well, but, it doesnt really matter anw. the world doesnt really revolve around me. instead of being sad, why dont you look at ppl around you. they are probably having a much tougher time than you.
people might have been happy for you, but, have you been happy for them?
sighs. cant believe myself.............
uh, and no, this doesnt mean tht i've gotten over my troubles. its just tht i have decided to turn it into something else.
yes!! tmr's gonna be a better day, no matter what..no matter history, no matter anything...
tnks, tnks very much for your encouragement . A good friend i have made. dont worry about your friendship thing, its gonna be just alright.

2009-10-22T16:45:00.004+08:00

Shit day. go to hell.

so, today was a disappointment, wonder what lies ahead of me. failed myself. can't believe it. everything went wrong, its just cant get anyworse. wonder how's history...sighs...what the hell.
even the conversation disappointed me. wasnt really what i had in mind. everything's changed. drastically. blehx. i hate you. go to hell.

what a shit and disappointing and nonsensical day. wished i would never live it again....

and there was hope, trying to reach out to me. A pity it got destroyed in just a day. given up, given you up, given me up. hopes dashed. never want to feel this way again. we need another talk. hope it would turn out better. urgh...

2009-10-21T22:03:00.002+08:00

ok.good. i found the two words i always wanted to express "given up". sighs, cant really describe it. (my expression sucks) anw. maybe i had given up on myself long time ago. its just a miracle how i could keep carrying on. there's nothing left to go for. there's just no one, nothing to reach out for. I M LOST. what's there left in this world for me? hopes dashed, everything's going the wrong way. feels that life sucks. but at least i got my feelings right. "GIVEN UP" what beautiful words... always felt this but just cant put it across in my words. dont really feel like doing anything, dont really feel like bothering about anything. sighs. when people laugh, as in truely laugh, sometimes, there's this admiration. it seems that hope is just within them. maybe that's why i cant do it. just cant... had probably given up the day i stepped into this school. i didnt know so. hid it somewhr in my closet. maybe i opened it up when i was tidying everything. heh...sounds dumb. nvm. nah, next year's gonna be a better year with gays around. hope i dont get involved. darn. i think i should start thinking about HOPE. HOPE, come find me will you?

I've probably given up on this world a long time ago...
set me free, shine a new light on me...HOPE

2009-10-21T21:30:00.003+08:00

k, shall blog before parents start to off the internet. grr. anw, was ignored on msn, what's worst, its over a relationship of a guy...wow...nevermind. this kinda thing never last anw. what's there to talk about. its do or don't its yrs or never yrs in the first place. no use getting frustrated over it. its just dumb to brood over it when there's nothing u can do about it. If she's gonna go, she's just gonna go. check her history. blahblah, once bitten forever shy. who cares a shit about it. nvm. so, this whole day was a bore. started sorting out my ws, especially last year's worksheet. Took the convenience to sort out my thoughts as well though. Looking back at last year, its just too wasted. maybe people need time to adapt. they just cant fit in that fast. what a waste. nvm. see my true colours, shining through.... so beautiful, like a rainbow. so, tmr's the big day for almost everyone bah, getting back results. dont cry because you didnt get what you wanted. cry for a better beginning next year. if you know you had been playing or at least, not studying, then get back to your books and start studying. its just not logical to expect good results when you have not done what you need to. Plainly, you dont deserve it. good luck anw. since eoy is probably impt to many of you out there. So, today was a bore, as usual. nothing to do. dont really feel like wasting my youth getting addicted to some games like ****. its just dumb and insensible to do it. so, i would rather go downstairs and catch a breather. sighs. in a distance is the route i would have to take soon. its a one way streak. no looking back. this is crazy. just a word of advice, no one in this world is ____ . nvm. sighs. tomorrow's gonna be a better day? you wish. its luck if things go your way. 谋事在人，成事在天。this certainly sucks. not fair? life's never fair. look up your dictionary of fair. justice? no one ever gets the justice they want. maybe this world aint simple as we thought it would be. sighs..........sometimes, hearing "no promises' just makes me feel that life's just very...urgh. indescribable, let's see, emotional? desperate? or, we can simply let everything go. its tune makes me feel so at least. sounds so, free...

a few abstracts of it.

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl.
I just need you to know girl.
I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight,
I don't wanna run away,
baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.

I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight

never give up, never ever give up.
tnks for this chance. its gonna turn out just right. just right....
but if destiny decides i should look the other way...____________

2009-10-19T21:59:00.004+08:00

what a boring day..

life's aint a matter of a thing or two, at least that's what i had experienced. what's there left for me...sighs...it doesnt really pay to be nice does it. time flies when you are happy, cant believe it became a monday from friday in a twinkle of an eye. what's there left for me...why are there so much controversies in a lift. the twist and turns.. getting back on my toes seems too hard these days. i know i have to, but i just cant. not really sure of what im gonna do or at least the outcome. its just, erratic, never know what's going to come out of it. hoping for a brighter day but its never gonna come, not again. looking at other's life, what's there left to compare with mine when they are so free and filled with joy and laughter. maybe no one bothers to look at the darker side of life. dont pity them, admire them. bleh, hate this. people have different expectations and they live it differently, but just feeling that we should not always be living in the dreamland. face this reality, face it hard. darn. no one said u had to read this. just get away and shut yr comments to yr self if u think this aint right. at least its clearer this way. i get to see, i get to hear. seems like tomorrow's my last chance to set things right. it had to come down to this doesnt it..this is the last time im ever gonna do this. take it or leave it. it doesnt pay to be nice...no more second chance. i just know that the remaining days aint for you to squander at will. will spend it to my fullest, at least have fun and enjoy what i have of -- my true friends. what's gonna happen of this life, i never know, but at least i live to never regret every step i take. sianz, just dont have the feeling, nothing to write aboutt....what's there to say when its coming to an end.

honesty is the worst policy, im never gonna buy it. rather buy the trust policy.
good luck to results. just know that we should not compare cze if its the best you did, u can never compare with what others have. its the best you had given, its the best you would receive. no point complaining or smacking each other when its yr destiny. sounds like "zuko" but, nvm.

tmr's the last paper. acc and hcl listening compre..
try my best, tht's all i can say.
good luck bah, love aint a thing or two for you to play with, consider if you can balance it within yrself. dont ever wish to feel this way again, never again. never never never.....n....ev....er.............NEVER.....ever.
wishing beyond eternity for something i can never get.
a desire that just came way too late to fufil...

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over againDon't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossibleSo breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over againDon't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's
a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

2009-10-17T21:10:00.003+08:00

FUNHOUSE
what a day - tiring one. first thing in the morning, went to trash a playground and someone's badminton's skills. :) the one at sengkang. heh. go train luh, dun keep replying on yr ah gong to help you. oh, and plse fire yr coach, cze he aint helping. anw. yeah, tnks for the day ppl, havent really had a fun dayat a fun house at a fun condo for so long manx. woohoo.....so, played some games, like table tennis and pool. sighs, cant believe i actually lost at console games. sianz. should just stick to sports bah....urgh. NBA fifa, what the heck....cant believe piggy's better in it. nvm...so, went off at 430 plus after some attacking in runescape which kevin moon enticed me to...yeah, but its fun...tnkstnkstnks for the day, yr hse, yr time :) and yeah, everyone that made it a better day. oh, credits to the ribenna and mango ice cream stick too. yeah... k, cant believe went there to study but ended up playing..

so, after that chiong home cze mum wanted me to be home at 5. but ended up reaching home at 530. but, still quite ok. but, its all for a botanic garden trip. its relaxing though with a few complimentary of insects bites. but, its a rare chance to be at some place to relaxing, quite and get to enjoy a few moments to myself. so this funny little boy, throwing cabbage at the fish...wonder IF FISHES ARE VEGETARIAN -.-. then went for dinner at some shop called a "botak jones" funny name, but its a real famous one. its been on the newspapers and the news, channel newsasia i think. its a kind western with all the mustard and stuffs. it even has a USA flag there. anw ordered fish and chips. well, its super large, $12.40, but for someone like me, trust me, its worth the price. somewhr at depot heights. though its in a hawker centre, but, it doesnt really matter cze its the food that matters. so, its kinda big, probably two big pieces and some thing at the bottom.

some pics to illustrate:

big big fish fillet:)

mustard sauce. gross....

yupp, a tiring and fun day.
one of the best after exams?

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

2009-10-16T11:16:00.002+08:00

Exams are officially over,
well, maybe not cze still got acc - appreciation of chinese culture, which many disregard it, but if its a subject to study for, it seeems it aint over yet. finally, its time to take a breather. haix...thinking of what next year is gonna hold for me. afraid of the struggle, afraid of being in reminisece of the past but, it seems i've got no choice but to move forward. its just gonna be better day - i hope. SIGHS.. probably gonna talk about hist. omgomgomg. history. not complaining about anything, but its gonna be a blessing if i pass. so..it was the start of the paper tht time and i looked at the qns. no, i did not stun at the qns, but stun after i had done one section and wasted half an hour. so, i looked at the wrong source for that whole qns, from a-c then i realised i had done wrongly. so its like, omg, what m i supposed to do....so, there's this strong urge for me to put my hand up and tell tht teacher that i cant do it. i wanted badly to, cze half of me aint there anymore, its busy crying. however, i placed myself in reality, and knew the tcher just aint gonna care a shit abt my problem. so..i continued doing the paper. though finished, but its just not what i had expected...haiz.....so, conclusion, started half an hour later than everyone...sad, felt like crying, giving up, but did not. hmms, just afraid of the day when i get the paper back...ok. sad things gone, here comes good news. im aiming full marks for physics and maths!!!! though its not possible, but somewhr near there is also very good. i believe....geog was, uh, not bad....near full marks also not bad...sianz. just scribbled things and wonder if the teacher is gonna be able to catch my cur-sive hand writing. head's splitting, its time for a long long rest i deserved after going through such a longlonglong week. i've given my best, its the best i've done, no regrets, no thinking back. lala, wondering if i'm supposed to look forward to next year. nvm. k, so maths paper 1 today was not bad. k. nothi ng to say about it cze its probably a breeze for everyone. hope i own hairy guy this time. but, who cares, doesnt matter, all i wan is just the top 5% position to get my scholarship. always getting 10%. GRR..ok...............................................nothing to talk about. ohoh. yeah, pri sch tcher emailed to go out. class of 4c i think. cool..its been long since i saw her. nice nice tcher. one of the good ones? moved to another sch, but i will always remember her face. anticipating the outing. yippeee..................................nothing to talk again....hmms, maybe its not something to be proud of, bu i earned 25$$ selling my cards. :) better get rid of them before a new wave comes in and wash away the DM wave. exams over, there are rules waiting for me to break. who cares about my role in school. cant stand faces i hate - who can. rules are meant to be broken....

wait for it, just wait for it. find your own opportunity. its just what i had in mind...give me chance, or at leas something to say...

2009-10-05T20:23:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time hasnt it...
well, kinda crapped up these days, didnt really had time for online work.
first problem was the internet. broadband was spoilt and didnt really bother about fixing it.
thus, had to use telephone line, which was really hard to set up.
but, nvm.
so......what can i say about myself? happy, sad?..it doesnt take a minute or two to just express myself.
oral oral oral....what the heck. barely passed it. gosh....i suck manx, srsly.
but i know i have to score well in eoy, its like, my destiny. i have to, i want to, i've got to.
life's just up and down these days. cant really get into the exam "mode"
urgh. better start meditating-.-
what's there left for me?
a broken heart? or maybe just some broken pieces left untouched.
why do i even waste my time thinking of you..
u aint the angel, neither m i the devil.
i hate this part right here....i hate this part right here...
maybe i just have to wake up to a better day.
but its just not enough, maybe i will have to sleep and wake up to a better heaven.
hmms...what's sucide when people take lives for granted.
maybe things would be better after the exams.
forgive me. i hope you will.
remember me. i hope you will.
understand me. u never will.
i promise, to make up for the past misgivings.
fufilling my broken promise.
im sorry, but all that would have to wait.
study hard, remember, you wouldnt want to regret the day u step out of that hall.
never regret what you have done, be proud of it.
its the last chance for this year. you wouldnt want to joke about it. get real, start working hard.
never wait for reality to nock on yr door the day you get back yr papers. its too late.
believe me, i will make up for what i promised, even if you think its useless.
hmms, i think im planning on having a blog closure at the end of the year.
i started this to keep a record of my messed up thoughts.
its time to put an end to this.
kissed goodbye, u maybe never see this face of mine again.
i dont give a name for nothing :)
blog maybe when exams are over? when yr face radiates and shines...believe you can, cze u can.

2009-09-09T11:30:00.010+08:00

The world's changing..or isit just my imagination

hmms...
anw, went for dinner ytd with my mum's friends. some gathering thingy at furama hotel at chinatown. So we just followed, and ate. At first, upon reaching, its exterior doesnt seem so glamarous, but its actually "grand" in the inside. So, i saw this cute little boyboy, one of my mum's friends son bah. 4 years old, Yuxiang.heh. he's cute. and his tummy is big.

lol.

k, a few phtos i took cze i was bored listening to adults talking.

so firstly, this was the "scenery" within. the ceiling was super high up though it doesnt seem to be cze i zoomed in. its dark-litted anw.

then this was the chocolate fondue. only seen it two times amongst the buffet i've gone to. kinda special, where u dip the marshmallows there.

k..so here come photos of the boy!!. lol.

heh, i didnt know what he was doing, probably staring at me, so i just took a secret phto of him.

kua-si-mi??!! lol. cute huh..

ok, so now he seems to be staring at someone else. this boy's weird too, can be so hyper at times then suddenly so quiet. haha, especially in front of his mother.

heh, now he's playing hide and seek with me. siao uh. lol. emo...jk. he just has nothing better to do. When i asked him if he was tired, he said no, when i was about to close my eyes le. gosh. it was 23 00 le leh..

yupp. and finally, this is a phto with the boy. very fair huh compared to me. lol. nvm, he's cute...

Sometimes, i really wonder what's the world becoming into. Looking at a child makes you feel how pure, innocent life is. No wonder they are doted. So innocent, not knowing anything makes u feel so comfortable with them. At least they are the ones that dont tell lies. At least they are so young and makes you wanna relive your life again. If you had a second chance, would you cherish it like you never got a chance to do so?....Life's just like this. You never get a second chance. In comparision to time, its just fading as we speak.hmms.. It's been awfully devastating to realise that, he's actually the one i could talk to. heh. pathetic but true. At least he asks. the inquisitive mind just sets me thinking how we should nevr stop asking questions. maybe its time i had moved on for a new life. maybe i should.

it just doesn't seem right. everything here's so wrong that i should probably just dump it and move on. its this unvoicable hardship that no one bothers about. i've been down lately, dont think i can carry on anymore. it's just too much happening at one place. Maybe i had made the wrong move and i can't reverse it. My escape route? i would rather take it and reach out for a btter future. Maybe i would be better off somewhr else. its my path, i take it, i live it, and even if i regret it, i know what's install for me. Life's just like a gamble. Every step uncertain is every gamble we make. You never no the consequences until u placed yr bets by going into it. well, i would just like to take this gamble and hope it turns for the better.......

2009-09-04T19:30:00.003+08:00

This was supposed to be up on last Friday, but had some problem with blogger.
Nvm, still the same.

So, Fri was a tiring but slacking day.

went for Citisuccess first thing in the morning after two periods of lessons.

and wth, thot i could skip the component, then in the end mrs lim never come.

dont wanna keep taking the compo sia, so disappointed these days with my language.

keep saying my style of writing too complicated, need to simplify.

wth lor, i simplify liao leh..

nvm, i think i shall just write two to three words per sentence next time..jk

i tried my best though, no choice.

so citisuccess was a total slack, went there to set up our booth and started exibiting our "psr"

its kinda easy to explain, so i decided to tour.

and it just gets more and more interesting.....

so first was the most popular booth, the golf de..

saw some sec1 students which looked like p3 students playing the putt.

i think it was hai xing cath.

but, who cares, they were basically swinging the putt without any direction, hit three or four times...=.= miss somemore.

zzz....i think they more like playing uh.

so, i stood there and waited, until they were gone, then i "play"

then meanwhile, i kept looking at the surface of the ground.

not only isit tilted downwards, its also tilted side ways, so its tilted horizontally and vertically.

so finally, their holy teachers called them and they scrambled off=.= kids....

then i try, and woots, i scored hole in one!!!!

firstly, i would like to thank myself, my parents....

haha, jk

yeah, but i was not aiming for tht hole though, and tht person standing beside me knew at once.

but nvm, it was still a goal.

ok, had fun and moved on.

then it was innova pri, with their "sun ray reflecting, heating up pot" thingy.

its basically trying to reflect the sun's ray onto the aluminium sheet and heat the cooking pot...

and when the person asked me if i knew what was the concept, i answered and he say i was the first one to get it right.

lol.

so, this was my second achievement.

so finally, walked out of the hall and found out tht there was actually more booths outside, in some remote place, but not with much air conditioning.

and there was this particular stall, nanhua high selling free ice creams.

heh, not exactly selling, but showing of their invention plus the ice cream.

i was curious, so just asked them about this ice cream thingy since it was melted and looked disgusting but edible.

it was some sort of holder to prevent the ice cream from dripping uh.

and out of curiousity, i asked about their class.

heh, i thot they were sec1, but they say they were from class 211

so it means they are sec2s.

o.o, which means......

yeah, kinda coincidental.

Emo elmo.

And sorry for those boys whom i mistook you for Sec1s. lol

But kinda admired them though, or at least cze i didnt see any tcher around. every sch had their tcher but they just had their upper sec schmates with them. nvm.

Can’t believe that I’m the fool again…how was I to know, you never told me.
Maybe I got it all messes up. Maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe it aint supposed to be like this in the first place. Maybe it’s just some wishful thinking of mine.
Not knowing how to give up just makes you confused, lost and not knowing where to go in the end.
A translation of the Chinese passage but yet so meaningful. Maybe I had thought too much and I’ve been living for nothing. All the while waiting but it’s just come down to this. Maybe I should have just realized and given up the day I said so. Gosh, wad’s life without hope. It’s just gonna fade someday. It will, like how I’ve been through it. Can’t believe how empty this forest is when the fog starts to clear. Expecting a rainforest, but I’ve seen nothing but a piece of waste land.

2009-09-02T16:58:00.005+08:00

I've learnt not to trust, at least, not anymore
wad's the use of being so high up, and there's no one down there when you look down.
trust - so hard to build, yet so easy to break, and it just cuts deeper and deeper.
A task so easy to carry out, yet done so..
someone, for once, give me something to believe in.
the least you can do is to have responsiblity - to tell me when you have done wrong, to tell me when you aint interested at all, and never to give me tht shit attitude.
for once, give me a token of appreciation, for what i had spent my whole day doing, and what you have not.
for once, give me appreciation of what i committed into, and what you had never thought of doing.
for once, give me the appreciation of what i roped in my family to do, and what you had not done, not even a single touch.
for once, understand that this is for our sake, and i've done it all for you'all.
its not just my marks, its all yours. appreciate it.
BUT NO.
tht's what i didnt got for doing all the hardwork.
NO, not even a word of "thanks" or just "you have done a great job".
NO, I GOT NOTHING IN RETURN.
all i got was some faces and people even smiling away as though nothing had happened.
NO, all i got was sacarsm like i was in the wrong.
NO, not even the least gratitude i deserved, and not even a word of apology.
but YES, being blamed for spending my whole afternoon trying to do what you all had not done is what i got.
no one appreciates, not just one in here.
but, someone, someone who is not even supposed to care a shit abt it symphatises me.
someone who competes with me, came around to CARE abt me.
tnks, i APPRECIATE it.
dont come and give me attitude when you havent done anything
dont think you're right, cze you aint.
the least you can do is get some sincerity in the words u speak.
i dont owe u anything.
for once, dont think you are here to salvage the situation, cze u aint even supposed to be here.
maybe i trusted too much, and this is all i got.
I placed my effort doing it, and you hadnt even done anything, and you come here being the good guy, "saving" everything.
No, this aint gonna happen.
I placed so much trust in hoping you would get things the way i wanted, and
NO, not even a call to say tht u cant do it.
at the least, be responsible enough to call me.
I hate this, i hate the ppl i cant trust - i hate everybody.

maybe i should just be an introvert like lty.
the least you can do is show some appreciation and apologise for the words u had given to me.
just a broken hearted man,
no one cares, no one bothers, left out in the circle of trust.
no more trust, at least not too much.
its just being broken into too many pieces tht i dont even know where to start with.

and please, i no nid yr sympathy, dont come here asking me what i want u to do.
hate tht qns.
if you dont feel pleased, then dont be, no one asked you to compromise.
If you are just sincere enough to appreciate what i've done, touch your heart, it would lead you.
for the last time, never ask me what i want you to do, cze you might as well get lost.
asking this qns shows tht u feel tht u aint in the wrong at all, and i DONT NID someone who doesnt care, to fake a smile and say: HEY, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

to you reading this, i've just found out how you had difficutlities in your first half the year.
now im stuck in this situation i cant get myself out of.
i understand, i finally understand how it feels. im sorry.

its the least you can do...

put tht trust back into me and piece it tgt.
i do not nid a hypocrite to help me.
a tnks or a sorry might just help.
but it would never give me a full set of "trust"

at least i got my family, tht's where i always told you tht yr family is yr priority.
the only thing u can depend on is them.
u never listened, u never did, but its not too late to regret, cze they are always there everyday.
love them like u never got a second chance to do so, cze u might not see them one day. its too late by then.

words can nver explain how i feel,
maybe crying out in a corner would help, hope so,
but no one cares, no one bothers, no one feels for me.

i will always be waiting, but maybe its time to let go of tht trust you gave for them, they are just gonna disappoint you anyway, like how they always used to.

I cant be somebody else, never

2009-08-26T18:36:00.004+08:00

hate it when ppl mixs me up with someone else.
plse, i m an individual, dont ever use someone else or mix my personality.
respect me, like how i always did.
hate it when ppl does tht.

heard it on the radio, kinda nice.
so....today was the interview.
nothing much luh, could ans all the qns except one, cze i dont even noe wad she talking abt.
asked things related to my roles in schools and how i juggle my work
gosh, this stern looking woman's so strict =.=
smile leh, at least make me feel relaxed..
but not bad uh, would'nt have any regrets.
shared some stories with them and ended.
tml still got home econ. sianz...hope the kitchen doesnt catch fire :)

be truely happy, the whole world's waiting..guess this is how life goes...

Faked a smile

2009-08-24T19:33:00.002+08:00

When i look at her, she looks at me, faked a smile so constantly, cause i didnt know what to do...

This song's not bad, kinda cool.....

Today was kinda suckish day.
it seems that we had nothing to do in school, but loads of works just keeps coming. it sucks to feel this way..
nothing to talk about. just another day i wished i would never relive.

I'm just tired, so tired..

2009-08-21T17:22:00.004+08:00

gosh...what a friday..its even worse than taking tests and going to school(or maybe it is). doesnt really matter. Went for the machine thingy from morning till dusk, around now and im dead beat...the other sch de, like river valley and Hwa chong so pro -.- compared to ours like chicken feather small fry. haix...is this the end...or a chapter of a new beginning. Maybe things aint about winning, its about going through the tough tides that makes one stronger. Seriouly frustrated with everything, nothing's going my way..hmms....its hard being everything cze u will just end up with nothing bah....so after tht, went home, took mrt train...sianz...and talked about funny stuffs..

sianz, i had so much to say, and now its gone..
sometimes, it aint about how much u want to say, but how much u need to understand..
sometimes, tragedy is where u win and get too over your head..
Life's a mystery, death's a myth..
regretted, rided through the times..now the scars are on my lethargic body
the world aint your small well, its vast, unfathomable.

i hate my life..i just realised that on a journey, there's always up and downs. just like when climbing a hill, what goes up must come down. there's no eternal bliss, neither is there eternal downfall, but the hardest part is to accept your failure and get climb back up again. understanding helps u to stand, but u might have to try even harder. sometimes, u get help like a "booster", going at a fast speed, but that makes your downfall come even faster. At the same time, u might face a dusty road with no one in sight.

I'm tired, just so tired..
but i'm willing to climb that mountain once again, even it means my life..
cze only then, will i know that i tried

Smiles....real or fake...

2009-08-12T19:30:00.002+08:00

so, today was a light hearted-day. the joke of the day would probably be the Malay conversation book. Still remembered it vividly, as though it happened a minute ago. So...it started when we came back from chinese, then bingting had my malay book, and it stated "If you are hearing this, you are the resistance"..it was my book..I was super bored at a time during CMP, so just wrote that sentence. heh. and i laughed like crazy. his book was with me. Hey, writing tht wasnt lame, just out of boredom. If anyone would tell me how interesting the Malay programme is, well, only three possiblities. 1 - its the "funny" part that ppl are interested in, not the proper content, 2 - he is crazy. 3 - he is malay. lol. i can see how people sleep in the class. All the pattern, got saliva; got head totally down; still got resting on table. So.....after sch was the investiture. Its a bore(as well). waste time, go there carry tables. But other than tht, nothing else. What a total slack. Talking to ruijie and slacking. So he was flattering of how the MC on stage was super pro in language, was pampered and stuffs. Maybe life just aint the same for everyone, tht's life! Then was super happy when announced the release of my group. Butbutbut, still cant go home, nid to do amazing machine competition. They started on the second part, so i just joined in. They changed everything, so i was just trying to catch up. But its super fun, everyone was laughing about success. woots. great achievement. at the same time, it was a kinda tiring with so much projects on hand. OMGoshh....so went home after that.

This blog aint emo ppl. =.= haixhaix...........................................................
The moments where my good times start to fade You make me smile like the sun Fall out of bed, sing like bird Dizzy in my head, spin like a record Crazy on a Sunday night You make me dance like a fool Forget how to breathe Shine like gold, buzz like a bee Just the thought of you can drive me wild Ohh, you make me smile.

People dont hail to you like god, they smack you at first sight, cze they are jealous of you. Leave a paw print, cze at least i know how you feel.

just for laughs

2009-08-10T22:52:00.005+08:00

haha,found this two videos tht Mrs ho let us see..
hahhaha, super funny. must watch

haha....the wonder girls give me the creeps though, actions very creepy. goosebumps....eewww...sicks.

what's with the hem and haw...

2009-08-10T22:20:00.002+08:00

went to play badminton just now at the INDOOR court. play with dad and younger bro. my elder bro is totally not interested in this kinds of ground sports. anw, played and my younger bro went home first. going back to where i first started, i was woken up at around 6 plus then my bro woke me up to say there was court. rushed and soaked my hair in cold water. had to do it cze my hair was super messy. but little did i know that i got dizzy spells for it. my head is kinda chilly and everything seems so blur. sianz, shouldnt have done it. lesson learnt: never rinse your head in cold water when u just got up. so played at the court then this super pro guy came and gave us shuttlecocks, FREE. haha..i told him no need, but he said it was okay. then he decided to play with my father and I, doubles with his friends. tried returning the shuttlecocks, but he said he was from some kind of club, have alot. then nvm, we kept it. so played, and lost until crazy...i think it was 6-15. heh, cant help rite, they are pros...i so noob, whatever ball i hit they also can receive. but anw, the fun part is that i won some points for my smacks. hehehehehe. but i tried doing some dumb tricks and all out -.-. after the game, we shaked hands. so this uncle came by and told me "年轻人要求不要那么高”。well, what he said was kinda true. people say how you can look at one's character through a sport. indeed...maybe i had been pressuring myself, even in a game. lalala, im so despo. its only to challenge that you will improve...i was merely trying to challenge their physical fitness mah...lol. okay, so what he said was right, but its just me; maybe i had set high goals that i cant achieve. but believe me, when i want to, i can do it. no one's ever gonna stand in my way. shoooo. hmms....just part and parcel of life. head's still spinning like a record.

this song is super nice. dont be buffed by the singer. its super nice. lyrics super meaningful. enjoy!

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

if only time could rewind, maybe i would treasure every moment and not take it for granted; missed those days when we would talk till daylight...

you make me smile...forever and always...

Stuck in my perpetuated darkness….

2009-08-10T13:53:00.001+08:00

People say how much trust is important, but it just isn’t the same now and then. If it’s the last thing I hope you would do for me, it would be stop giving me false hopes of any kind – don’t give me hopes that you would return one day; don’t give me hopes that you would change someday. I never thought of how much surprise I’m going to get in the future, but I just hope they aren’t a mirage. Just hoping that they are real, touchable, and realistic. If the last thing I hope I could get from you, it would be asking you to look me in the eye whenever you talk to me. Because only then, most importantly, would I know you are talking to me, and subsequently, I know that it actually comes from the bottom of your heart. Mind’s in whirl, everything aren’t what I had thought of. Never thought this would happen. No backup plans though, living everyday by the hand. Always changing my mindset towards my future. Wonder, which is going to lead me to success. Sometimes, people don’t say it not because they don’t want to, but cause they don’t have the courage to. There’s always a limit to everything. The strongest man in the world might just be brought down by a tickle. No one knows. Please, don’t get it so over your head that you had forgotten who else is standing beside you.

No one said how much he or she bothered, neither did they how much they didn’t. I’ve had it with you and your attitude. Always trying to get the best of me. How I wished you would just move out of my life. Always bringing me down. I know what I’m saying; no need someone else to remind me. Please, one man’s meet is another man’s poison. I like it; you might not, but for once, just shut that darn mouth up and don’t give me faces. Can’t be bothered by that face ready to be smacked. I want acceptance of what I’m doing, not some rejections that you don’t even know why you are doing it. Hate these kinds of people. What are friends for? Let me tell you – they are there to bring you down when you had just got back up. No one really accepts your idea; they think it’s crazy, until you show them its possible. Don’t shut me at the mindset that whatever I’m doing is wrong. F.Y.I, you aren’t that great either. You are just some empty shell that some headless souls follow. Just like you, they are living with an empty heart, shadowing your views like a dog. No independence, no points of view, they are better off in the trash bin. Sometimes, follow your gut feeling and if it’s wrong, just accept it. No one succeed without any failure. And let me warn you, when I fail, don’t come running like a mad freak telling me my mistakes. I know where I went wrong. I certainly don’t need an idiot repeatedly telling me off in front of everyone. I accept where I went wrong. My ego is not going to be stomped by you or anyone else. Save your efforts. I hate you. Thought you were there to help, but never did I expect you were just like anyone else. You said no one cared, but had you tried accepting? For something that you want, you get it, there is not a need to tell anyone else about it. Not only will they not care, they wont even bother to hear about it. Strive for your own success. Everyone’s independent, they suck your benefits and throw away your ideas, until they see that it actually works when you had tried for millions of times. They reap what you had groomed for so long. No choice…that’s what “friends” do. I don’t deny how I had done so, but believe me, it’s a part and parcel of life. There’s no need to complain since it will numb you. I hate you. Hear me, I HATE YOU. Life’s so hard to live.

Just for people reading this, each paragraph actually describes one people. Which means this post actually shows two people that had left an “impact” in my life. Haix...why is life so hard to live

the relaxing day? perhaps.

2009-08-10T13:36:00.005+08:00

two days ago, saturday was supposed to be the "relaxing day" since my parents took me out for the whole day. well, kind of relaxed though. went for a swim at father's friend condo, then ate dinner at sakura, then bought a pair of shoes. not bad though, but at the end of the day, i found out that actually, i was just back to sqaure one, back to reality. but nvm, i enjoyed myself though

a few pictures taken at dinner. sorry for the amatuer pictures taken. too full that my hands were shaking....aww...its supposed to be a buffet, and my tummy was bloated.

deserts!!!

erh..this should be the hot plate. needed to order and is damn long..

the atmosphere. it was kinda dimly lit, but still nice..

so the day was good, plus got one pair of shoes as my "birthday present", i just figured out i had not bought it. lol. demanded for one.

getting back home, and everything was the same...reality kills

Just a half - hearted man

2009-08-08T13:11:00.005+08:00

"just a half-hearted man" - it has been on my pm for quite a long time. Many wonder what it means. Well, it simply means i dont give my best in whatever i do. its been like this these days, but i feel kinda inspired these days. "People never realise what they have until they lose it". We take things for granted until they leave us one day. I never thought how you felt until you decided to "tell me". If there's someone i hate, it would be myself. Didnt really liked my attitude these days. Blood is boiling at 100 degrees celcius, just can't control it. Haix...Never planned to made you suffer in hell, just hoping you are not. Head has been dizzy for the past few hours, cant really focus on something. My family is watching 雀圣 outside, laughing like crazy. my mother has been encouragin me to have a good laugh at it, looking how down i had been for the past few days. But i didnt really thought it would help, since at the end of the day, i would still have to face it. Blexh, ate lunch but still hungry, "ordered" a packet of instant noodles, but when i went out, i just see an empty bowl. My brothers took them all -.-. its never nice to have a younger brother, he steals from you. heh. If there's one thing i wanted to do before everything goes wrong, it would be apologising. Hadnt really been a good guy. i lost you, but i got back what i lost for so long. hmms, wait, better go and check my noodles before its finished. k luh, back, not bad, i was the first to eat evrything. "what hurts the most, was being so close, having so much to say, but watching you walk away". i never thought it would happen this way. "broken promises arent what i planned to keep". Promise i will fufil it when the time comes. Tests, tests and more tests. its been busy for me. never really had a good look at you. gosh, wonder when ppl would stop learning. I just hope i never interpreted wrongly..."insultations were what people used to improve". You would never understand, but i hope you do, cze no one else would. urgh, super confused with life. no one's telling me where to go, and all i have been doing is protecting, my life for the sake of my pride. What i want might not be what u want. i srsly dont know...There's no point sitting down for a cup of tea if two ppl aint heading the same direction. Im not the sort of besotted guy you see in the market. lol. no offence. But just someone who puts it down when i want to. There's no point in doing things if what we want aint the same....haix. Its all up to destiny to manipulate our fate... Hope it does not let me down. tnks for anything, sorry for evrything
its probably time to relax myself

Cze its always better to do so

2009-07-31T18:08:00.004+08:00

sianz, today sucked - big time
everything's going alrite, till nafa
wth, got D for shuttle run, wth rite,
but its cze i never hold the bean bag properly, then slipped through my hands, gave up.
wthwthwth, suck luh, almost all A sia...
haix, sianz, why so unlucky -.-....
now no gold liaoz..cze got "D"
shits....(20 squats. lol)
anw, i think i should start training for next year's chin up,later fail this one
going back to english, kinda confident with my essay,
but not sure if i can even make it. kinda screwed up with my tests these days...
but probably need more confidence to rise back up again
gosh...what's life gonna be next week..(tests tests and more tests)
going back to "friends" - if u want to see someone lamer than me, more botak than me, say colder jokes than me, i got one person..kenneth lee (free advertisement)
introducing the guy who makes ppl laugh because of his lame jokes, but srsly funny.
i've been laughing alot these days because of tht guy in No Cock Community. lol
no offence.
oh, and a war is raging...fighting for someone's virginity. hehe
but im not inside, and neither do i want to be the buffer state.
firstly, i wouldnt want to be smacked by balls during cca, and neither do i want to be checked by a mate (checkmate) everyday in class on his chess board.
Secondly, just trying to be out of this thing and be a spectator (funfunfun)
thirdly, i just wanna wish all candidates all the best, haha.
dingdingding - first round.....
who will win? tune in next time with more updates (official blog station for this ball - chess war)
pity the hainanese...why do ppl like us always get stuck in a love situation
darn.
anw, kinda feel dumb all this time...didnt really noe what to do...
"with tht sad sad look tht u wear so well"...
haix..just remindeded by lenard how "before the worst" makes so much sense..
srsly, its getting more and more meaningful....but i kinda dont agree with some parts, its all about mending and im not sure if tht's what i want..haix, still confused. not even sure if the feeling is right. what you want for us might not be what i want.

BEFORE THE WORST - THE SCRIPT
It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
You were vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Is try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

There was a time, that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to loose, but so much to gain
Are hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,
Set you a drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton Street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you where mine for life

We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Is try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear
Then well rise above it, well rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we use to, just like we use to

Lets take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Love's a complete mystery with so much happiness as well as sadness bringing along with it. sometimes, its just hard to even decipher if it is what u even call it. wtheck. going to ken lee hse tml, play badminton hahaha.
waste time. but its fun, nver play for so long, its time for me to own him. (with my sports shoes)
the last time we played, lost, butbutbut its cze i never wear shoes plus my leg got blister. tht guy never even let me win. lol
nevrmind, its all about the experience, or isit?....
maybe its just me..why wouldnt you believe....sianz...

NIL

2009-07-28T18:50:00.003+08:00

this was supposed to be with the post before this
forgot
anw, different song with no link
but all the same meaningfull.
wonder how love works...

if there's no fall, u can never get the chance to rise

2009-07-28T18:21:00.002+08:00

hmms, long time never post, ppl must be wondering what this nerd is doing
well, i was actually keeping my thoughts inside me instead of posting.
but, cant really take it anymore...
seriously disappointed with my god damn results.
darn. life sucks, but this is how it goes. sianz.....really got used to things happening the wrong way.
anw, took a night with tears to wrote this "life story". its called:

《世界的奥妙》

在这个世界里，人人都带着面具。也许是虚情假意，或敷衍对方，大家对彼此的感觉并非真实。人都在相争，成绩，你多我少，大家都以他人较多而说些如此残酷的话。不考虑他人的感受。可惜，人生就是这样，痛苦一辈子，都是一个字“自己”。伤心，悲伤，喜怒哀乐，就算是爱情，都是自己在进行一切。说说爱情吧。比方说你有一个心上人，想找个人谈谈，第一个人便是朋友，不可能是父母。可惜，你这朋友向瘟神一样，把自己喜欢的人传播到校里的各个角落。尴尬? 还是后悔告诉那个不叫朋友的”朋友”. 是, 大家都说, 朋友很重要, 但到头来, 还是”我”一个人独行. 朋友并非一辈子, 有些擦肩而过, 有些则逗留多一会儿, 但最终还是会走的. 要找个知音, 的确是很难的. 所谓”千金易得, 知音难求”.看看这个世界, 做人要现实一点, 不然会被踩到烂得不可认出. 做任何必现实呢? 我告诉你, “人善得人欺, 马善被人骑”. 你割人家一刀，好过别人通你好几刀。我并非说天下无好人，但剩下的有几个呢？我失去了最要好的朋友，是时候我把他找回来了。后悔当初因一些争执而把关系弄得一个烂摊子。但我现在懂得珍惜，珍惜这千载难逢的机会。我知道，我是永远不会放过这复原的机会。可惜，在这“得”的机会里，我又失去了一位无辜的同友。为何人生“有得必有失”。我的心被弥补了一半，却又在破裂了另一半。这并非我想，而是我得。你是永远不会了解我的。在我们的人生里，有你就有我。因为你，才有我。没有你，就没有我。就说一个人缺乏安全感，她的身边一定会有很多人的支持。大家都以热烈的支持去观照她，让她感到舒服。另说一个人爱说大话，身边一定会有人在他身边无数次的反驳。人生就是被身边的人而大造的。至于我，并非什么人，只是想单独一行，长大后又分好工作，对得起照顾已久的父母。对他们的恩情，我深重如山，我知道，是我一辈子还不了的债。我知道，我有对不起他们的时候，但我不愿再重复我的过错，让他们失望。他们是我生命的支持者，但我实在没用，老是让他们失望，惹些麻烦。我真的不愿再重复这个过错。老天爷，给我一次改过的机会吧。“人非圣贤，谁能无过”? 今天的事，我虽会忘记，但我不愿留下永恒的疤痕。爸妈我十分的重要，我不想让他们对我感到失望。“一人做事一人当”，要打要骂，找我，千万别碰我家人。他们是宝贵的，无价之宝，我不想失去他们。伤心难过，我只能说无奈。的确，是我有错在先，我并不要求原谅，只希望我家人不会受到有所影响。我只能哭，只能随你所愿的说：“动手吧”。烂命一条，要就拿去吧，我认了。死对于我并不是什么，我只希望我家人平安无事，更不用说耻辱。在艰难的挑战我都受过了，还有什么，就放马过来吧。。。
爱情并非你我脚趾头，要剪就剪，并非那么容易一刀两断。就算断了，还是有疤痕的。爱情的引擎，把握托得我满身都是伤口。不是皮外伤，是心灵的创伤。对于爱情，我并不能说什么，我只是一个再也不会上爱情的“当”的小男孩。日久天长，总有一天，我会遇到她的。我知道，这是一万个对不起也弥补不了的，但要知道，我也没那么好过。不瞒你说，我不是因忘不了你而伤心，而是因你伤心而我感到痛苦。我想回去过去，但我相信这是不可能的。我的眼泪已干了，眼睛无神, 日有所思，也有所梦。对不起。是我对爱情的无法释从，是我被你光亮的脸颊迷得神魂颠倒。善良，可爱，热爱帮助别人，样样俱全，可惜我不配。我现在只想读书，什么也不想多说，再说，我不能让在家中等着我回去的人失望。无法自拔，对爱情犹如一个痴情的傻瓜，我知道我不能随随便便一头栽进去。我需要，能鼓励我的她；能同我喜好的她；对我的爱是永恒的她；懂得什么叫“安静”的她；懂得引我向上的她；懂得理财的她；懂得了解，也不惜了解我的她；与我有默契的她；最重要的是，能让我真正开心的她。我还在寻找这完美的少女。但现在，我只想读书。等我有了精力再说吧。
我找回了我失去的他，也失去了我最信任的她。人生的思潮起伏，把我磨练成如此冷漠的男人。在我们身边，问问一下，有哪些人不是带着面具来上学，读完了就摘下，逍遥自在的在家睡觉？我累了，我真的累了，老天爷，饶了我吧。。。
还曾记得几年前，我还以为自己找到幸福，但这都是短暂的，没想到，因为如此的一吵，而断了。是没缘，还是根本就不该开始？我太无知了。。。至今，我还无法说说爱情的真正含义，对它还是模模糊糊的。幸福 --- 哪有那么容易给你掌握呢？
生命里，还有东西给你愁呢，别把自己搞垮了。擦干眼泪，再向前吧。跌倒在爬起来，爬到你进棺材为止，否则，有一丝力量，就把它给用了，不然会后悔莫及。人生要活得无怨无仇，无后无悔。老天爷，惩罚我吧，是我自有阴德，但记得，别碰我的家人，他们的一句狠话，是我崩溃的钥匙。谢谢。谢谢您的惩罚，我会记得的。。。。。。

finally ending this post with a song. long post huh.
"whatever you think is worst is never the worst, cze there will always be something even more worse"
made this shit sentence myself.
enjoy anws.

dont shed unforgotten tears..

2009-07-12T23:03:00.005+08:00

hmms, nothing these days, just had some weird dreams and nothing much. its sat, what can you do? i cant do anything. stay at home, watch tv, sleep and eat. nothing! didnt think i had put my heart in studying lately, sleepy during classes, hadnt really been confident in my work. think i better work out something, its distracting my mind, cant really focus on my work. wth. if only i could, but its just no good. hmms.....this sucks sucks sucks. big time. tnks again for those bday wishes, though it has the world "belated" on it. but still appreciate it, since it happens only once in a year. haix, didnt get my ice-cream cake cze dad got this $30 dollar voucher until august only. 不用白不用 lol. but still....its nice, didnt really bothered me. its already thankful i have a cake, poorer ppl dont even get to celebrate their bday. 做人要知足常乐。its the opportunity that counts, not how grand it is. slacked alot man....if only life wasnt that hard to live. im so gonna dread duty even more...its gonna suck even more and get more boring. wth, but its what i had chosen and i cant look back. dont look back but at a new direction, needed protection...i think i sound like a gay...but anw, who doesnt need protection. i cant take no more, the diamonds on the floor, no more......the diamonds falling down. if only the diamonds were my tears, then maybe i would be a millionaire by now. shed tears like no one cares, wipe them like im all alone. FORTUNATELY, im all too weak to even cry or smile now. just an empty shell. hmms.....the cruelties of life bah..jiaqi just reminded me of how "dont forget" makes sense to me..its all coming back like a ghost haunting my soul. retribution, come and get me man, no pain no gain - 残酷教训给予成长。

here goes the lyrics - highlighted words probably makes more sense to me.

Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me
Did you regret (Did you regret)
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget (Did you forget)
What we were feeling inside
Now I’m left to forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can’t forget it
So now I guess
This is where we have to sxtand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don’t forget
don’t forget
We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won’t forget
I won’t forget
About us
But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can’t forget it
Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can’t forget it
At all
And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we’ve learned
I won’t forget
Please don’t forget us
But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won’t sing along
you’ve forgotten
About us

hmms, its all part and parcel of life. if there's anything you wanna say, tell me, i can take anything, anything, i wont mind, since i dont see any hope but dreaming for a better outcome. tell me plse....

ssorry mr ang and mr ang(ang ming jie) if you see this, but IVP AND AMZINNG COMPT. OFFICIALLY SUCKS, ITS KILLING MY BRAIN CELLS.
idk why i apologised to gaybird lol, but i just think its special to have a teacher and student hving the same surname and being together in a project. lol,
sch starts tml, no more slacking, no more thinking, no more debating.
BYEBYEBYE BITCH, YOU ARE OUT OF MY LIFE(LONG TIME AGO)

forever the angel

2009-07-10T17:20:00.006+08:00

hehe, today's a special day, bet many ppl dunno wad it is...
its michael's jackson 15th day anniversary....lol
k lar, its: GUOK jiawei's birthday, and mine tooooooooo
haha, i cant stand the ego-ness in me...
happy 14th birthday tan li han :)
you are the most egoistic guy i have ever seen!
its my bday today ppl...
side track a little,
happy birthday 6 hrs and 6 days in advance lenard!!
aiyah, i dont even think he nid my wishes lor, so many fans saying to him even before i did.
i bet if all of his fans each spit one drop of saliva, i would be drown haha, exaggerating.
the little chap sure has his way with girls...
anw, happy birthday..
if you were to open a concert, you would have a full house national stadium uh...lol
haha, nvm, big day huh, two ppls' bday happening on the same day..
tnks to those who smsed and even gave me a birthday e-card!!!
much appreciated and kept in me..
lala, let's see, first sms received at 604,
earliest at 10pm the day be4..
tnks tnks tnks, just wanna let u all know how touched i m...going to cry T_T(not)
i dont cry out of nothing.
but, tnks tnks tnks again
had maths test and it was hard, since i didnt get to check the last qns
but checked in front le..
walau, choo dun wan tell me...make me think so long...
but, nvm, its a fall that brings everyone back up again :)
see, i so positive..
i swear that if i dont do well, im gonna kill myself haha, jk
but scared scared leh...
sianz....didnt really study for it anw, wht can you learn in volume and the pyth. th. anw...
its probably the careless mistakes that are gonna kill me..
brain rusty after the june hols..
nid some sodium hydroxide..i think, if its function is to remove rust, lol
forget liao ma, who is so sick to even revise chem now..
ok, then, had lunch at sch be4 going to some magic thingy...
i still dont get if its a restaurant or a bakery shop haha
it looks like a bakery shop, but it sells crab, squid and things that cost $14 and above.
its ex man, but we were treated..:)
its...fantastic, tnks ppl
jiawei had to serve while i did nothing..
makes me so 狼狈. oh oh oh, talking about the 狈， what is it,
isit a crippled donkey that is so dumb to be backstabbed? lol
today, as usual, our wang lao shi thought us some interesting stories,
i think he has a hundred and one stories in his head just waiting to be activated by some 汉字 or something
we were talking about 狼狈为奸 and he talked about this "bei" that has short front legs and long hind legs....
so it goes about like the lang and the bei came together for a plan...
the wolf "consulted" the bei for advice..how do they even communicate man..
then when some hunters came, the wolf pang sei the bei, and escaped like nobody's business, leaving the bei to die alone.
but it didnt die though, cze the hunters thought it was an animal they did not see be4(even i dont noe what it is) and sent it to the zoooooo.
so, here's a summary of it:

lol, k

here's a new vid i found, michael jackson, someone said it was nice.

we are the world - mj and *remember to forward to the 1min15th second cze its whr the chorus starts, and that's probably the nice part cze in front are all mumblings that doesnt make sense and not nice...

we are the world..we are the children..

nothing else, and

project sucks, currently have two on my hands...pity an ambitious guy man...

i would never need you to make an sacrfices for me...

i'm not worthy of it anyway...

tnks for anything you have done for me, sorry for everything i have done to you...

怨怨相报何时了

2009-07-09T16:17:00.003+08:00

知错能改，善莫大焉，不知悔改去吃大便。我们活在这个世上就要敢于认错，要不然心里会不安
这就是负荆请罪的道理。
为了尊严，又何必呢?
that's what u have to accept in life..
today was kinda a crappy day, except for the last lesson, CALLIGRAPHY
someone owes me a whack, rawr...
this idiot guy with a prominent mole, decided to play a prank on me
knowing that there's alot of of bamboo near the canteen, whr our teacher dunno for wad reason told us to assemble there, he held back the branch and released it, and it hit me-.-
stupid guy, u are going to get it for this..
so it's piack out of no whr, and my first reaction was jump..
lol, kinda funny
then, went to some weird looking calligr. room. never seen it be4 thou
SOMEONE( THE SAME PERSON) who played a prank on me decided to watse papar and play a prank on someone else
To gabriel: good luck to u if u see this post, cze only then will you know who drew u, lol
ITS...
ITS...
ITS...
MAK TING JUN
look at the perverted guy..
he was the one who drew the pig head and put on yr table
haha, kinda resembles anyway, but he wasted a calligr. paper and ink drawing that pighead
and it says: gabriel loves pig women, lol
funny man..
then, someone (another person) drew it again, and put it on yr table
haix, if u wanna noe it, ask around, dun ask me, im not respnsible. everyone knows XD
oh, and err, full board was dumb -.-
told us to go all the way down and only talked about things concerning upper sec.
waste time luh..do u noe it takese 5 min to walk down, and another 5 min to walk back up..
ok, finished today, let's talk abt yesterday
hmms, after sch, went home, then went out to creative
wanted to service the dic. its kinda spoilt
so, finished, exchanged for the new one, and it only has a guarantee of 3 months
lol, so little time, lets make it spoil again so they can see my face one more time :)
went jurong point, but my parents called it boon lay point cze it was somewhr in boonlay.
my father even suggested writing to the ppl in charge and changing the name of it-.-
what an IDEA...
ok, so shopped and walked and shopped.
ohoh, saw the mediacorp artist, zhangyaodong and xuzhenrong
they were doing the what 选美 thingy, should be some slimming contest
lol, it was not that interesting luh, just some ppl filming.
saw a lot of sch students wearing uniform at the mall,
wonder if they even have so much time to do it.
its like, all schs combine meets man, evryone wearing their sch uniform and shopping
pathetic...dont come and squeeze with us ppl, yr parents are probably waiting for u to go home lol
so shopped for father's clothes
troublesome but fun
he wanted his clothes to be all green
GREEN FANATIC
so, we search and cool, my mum told me that he only wanted shirts with some
"collar button"
what's that-.-, so i asked, and she said
你button了然后你的tie就不会跑来跑去。
lol
so i was thinking:
can we have buttons two at our uniform so our tie wont 跳来跳去？
lol
its main purpose is probably just to prevent the tie from slanting side ways bah..
HOWEVER!!
we compared one with the button and one with no button
no button:2o+
got button:70+, even after discount!!
what the hell, so big diff, maybe is cze the material too.
so ex, so decided not to buy.
haix, so picky, must green, then the green cannot be too dark, must be APPLE GREEN, LIGHTER GREEN
(wad's with ppl and APPLES these days, even classmates link it to a girl-.-)
so we bought some casual wear for him, which was GREEN
haix, ok lar, not bad, bossini, 6 for 2minimum each
then after that, shopped for shoes...
aiyah, also very ex, wanted to buy sch shoes, but didnt, reebok sch shoes leh,
siao ar, so ex.
then, nvm, at least got buy something
then went to buy KFC...spent like idk, 20?
then then then, went to buy some durian puffs selling 20 for 980. lol
k, lar, not bad, just that I HATE DURIANS...but the puff was not bad
it was chilled...
then after after after that, went to buy eu yan sang
dunno wad thing luh, but i just noe altogether,
the total expenditure for ytd was 100+
can luh, should be not bad...
first time spend so much...

ok, back to today, just remembered somethings...
going back home, wanted to buy h20, but didnt cze its a WANT not a NEED
going pok liao luh, must differentiate between wants and needs...
wants are something u dont nid,
but needs is something u nid and cannot live without..
this brings the topic to charisma lesson,
TEMPTATION..
CAN U RESIST THE TEMPTATION OF...
S
E
X
?
lol
learnt about "say no to sex" today
haha, can u do it?
walau, that HSC say i laughing then say my mind is sick
toot...
i was simply laughing cze it was funny...
u then sick uh, think i sick
but, anw, needed to do reflection about the lesson..
15 min to write around 3 pages?
everybody was...huhh......
haix, she's just....
nvm, its not the teacher that matters, its yr own will to study...

its the little thing in exchange for something better..
follow your guts...
take the risk, but can you afford to fail..
would it be too much to take...

Mak Tingjun, you are so gonna get it from me!!!!!

wow, what a long post, but let's extend it:)

hmms, found this song, kinda nice, but find the title of it kinda weird

SAY - john mayers, enjoy!!

lyrics!!

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
Say what you need to say [x8]
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only ...
Say what you need to say [x8]
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say [x24]

is it really worth saying...
would saying even help the problem
but indeed, the faith is broken,
but dont think anything is gonna salvage it...
say what you nid to say, probably before its too late...
its a one man army, marching down like nobody's business, cze no one bothers...
meaningful lyrics man...
blah blah blah..
just figured out that i dont nid to hit that idiot guy..
cze 怨怨相报何时了
but srsly, if u have anything to say, just tell me,i wont mind..
hate me kill me, its just a matter of time i guess

there's not gonna be a third time...

2009-07-08T22:29:00.003+08:00

everything is going all wrong...

EVERYTHING -.-

firstly, u got it all wrong...

secondly, im a big jerk

thirdly, hmms, dont think there's a third one..

im not trying to hint anything..

im the baddie here...

its not abt the err

its just that idk wad to do man...

hell....aiyah...crap luh, headaches..

failed once, failed twice, there's not gonna be a "thrice"

cze im never gonna let it start again..

its dumb in a way, but its just gonna be like that..

受到心灵的创伤...maybe not, but dont wanna let it happen

first time, hmms, gotten over it..

second time, not that bad..

third time? u want to put me in hell uh...

its not anyone's lapse, its just how it must be

contribute any shitty ideas if you even have one..

haix, im so dumb and insecure..

"i hate this part right here"

its always this point of life.....

stop it, u wont understand, that's all

dont claim u noe me, cze u dont..

YOU:

-the perfect guy

the kindest person

the most understanding person(probably)?

the guy who laughs at other ppl's downfall...

nvm, its just not you

you are not who you think you are

but what you think you arent

rewrite right from wrong...
and be above them all?
(cool, rhythms)

once again
get outta my life man.....
think im gonna be sick with all these things..
haix, always hoping for a solution
but it doesnt drop from the sky like rain..
im the worst guy ever, why cant i just do the right thing
hmms.....
excuse: cze im always surrounded by all the wrong things..
life's never gonna be the same, and its all bcze of my imperfections

Sleeping like you have never gotten a chance

2009-07-07T19:33:00.002+08:00

if its the world you want to know about,
its probably all about ppl
人生并不是在于活得富有, 而是要活得充实
maybe we shouldnt expect too much on our lives
but hey, be more realistic,
what are u gonna be happy abt when u aint got anything?
u cant even give a shit about something u wanna point abt
要有一技之长, 才能高人之上.
dun tell me how much u wanna change, tell me how are u gonna change
in life, its just not about u and me,
we have the world
just getting tired by the day, m i getting sick or something?
o.o, what if i got h1n1,
no one cares anw....
no luh, i noe my family will be there, but what about others...
haix, idk, i really dont know
its always abt competition, so strong..
making me weak by the day
but again, who bothers
didnt really count on it
sianz....
one advice again
"ppl would not want to hear abt u, what they want to hear is abt them"
its always you you you, here's the thing, isit my turn?
what the hell, this is totally crap, wonder what you are even tryin to do..
going around...blah blah blah
save your energy and start sleeping, u really nid some sleep..
i do..

k, enough of all these feelings and EMOtions

I have a black heart :(

2009-07-06T19:40:00.001+08:00

Haix, this sucks big time.....

dark clouds giving us a dark sky is just like a pool of black ink pouring on my heart.
i'm never made of a heart of gold
see how bad i m

i think the AAR really sang out what i feel.

lalala, just confused, im always confused -.-

shits, better think of something quick before i lose my cool
what's with ppl and their ego...
man, once again, this sucks....
tired of thinking, sometimes debating
blah blah blah...go to hell luh

I dont even know a word u're crapping abt..nvm..

友情是相知的.
面对艰险与艰难, 一个人的意志可以很坚强, 但办法有限, 力量也会有限
友情像阳光, 照拂你如照拂乍暖寒时风中的花瓣
有的朋友只能交一时, 有的朋友可以交永远.
只是相思情太浓, 仅用相思意太淡, 友情是相知, 味甘境远.

haix, do friendships even last -.-
no one knows for sure

Dont give me another chance

2009-07-06T17:40:00.006+08:00

four unrelated songs, but all the same meaningful
may not be nice in yr eyes, but its nice in my ears.

not a particular fan of MJ, but like the songs. meaningful and all.
RIP dude, since the world seems to love you
enjoy....(at least i do)

one more chance

MJ - you are not alone

MJ - heal the world

AAR - it ends tonight

The lyrics - it ends tonight
kinda make sense to my situation

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all that wants
And all that needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
Your finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when your blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

[Chorus x2]

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

2009-07-05T13:06:00.004+08:00

Arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
blogging sucks like hell.
comp's lagging, brain's lagging, everything's lagging
someone told me mf cant see clearly, so i searched for a new blogskin
wth man, why do all the blogksin sucks, cant find one that i really like.
gave up fidgeting with the html.
what an ametuer..-.-''
haix......wasted like dunno how many hours finding a new one.
crap, especially when the internet is not cooperating.
wth, if someone doesnt get this internet out of the hse, im gonna kill myself.
lets see how it works, it goes:
on off on off on off on off on off on off off on on off off off off on on on off on off on off off off off on on on on off on off on off and finally on.(lazy put colour for every word)
what the hell man, cant i get some peace with the broadband working perfectly fine -.-
i think its as stupid as animals learning abc.
hmms, thought of how ppl used to mouth vulgarities.
but srsly, they dont make sense.
lets say someone is talking about an arguement, eh..."he took my pencil, and i want it back"
so it goes on and on, and suddenly, somebody says f**k u.
any sense? why would u want to sex with me when i just want my pencil back.
lol, kinda funny, but thinking of it, ppl speaking vulgarities are probably ppl are gonna fail their eng.
plse use some logic in yr sentence ppl.
hate them, hate them hate them.
plse, learning lesson,
DONT SPEAK VULGARITIES UNLESS THEY REALLY MAKE SENSE
ok, lets make a short story about it.
lets take someone...tingjun!!
sorry uh, but i can only remember u among us that speaks those language.
profile: tingjun, 14 only!
common used on me: P**sy (he thinks its my name)
thoughts about it: which part of me looks like a woman's thing????!!
next word: F**k u (speaks occasionally
thoughts: not interested
other common used: p*b*h or how u spell it (on haoyu)
thoughts: not my business lol
haix, plse man, when u see this, tell yrself to change the habit

sianz, life is getting suckish by the day
trapped in a vortex of feelings.
maybe i should call savage garden to salvage this garden of feelings of mine
(spelling diff, but close enough luh)
wth. dont claim u noe me, cze u dont.
no one does.
go away luh. shhooooo as far as u can
piece of advice to everyone though,
dont hate me or anyone else, cze yr hatred wont let u see how beautiful the world is
maybe the world aint that beautiful for u to enjoy, but at least get a good look at it before u regret.
regrets are insights that come to late, wonder who bloody hell said it.
but true thou, u have to do it to regret it.
who cares, im a guy tht never looks back anw
"you have to pull yourself tgt, you're stuck in a moment and u cant get out of it"
makes sense? i also dunno
haix, but i srsly wasted so much time on it.
"plse remove the tattoo across my heart and chuck it on other ppl"
firstly its painful
secondly i dont nid it
thirdly, its a ugly scar that i dont want it.
stop being a bitch and get on with life
eee......hate it
sometimes goodbye is a second chance....wooooooo....

i think this song is nice. lyrics kinda make sense, and its .....nice...

going out soon...

the perpetuated walking memory

2009-07-04T19:59:00.004+08:00

Haix haix, tired tired and even more tired.
woke up early in the morning at 7 and went to clementi for some "monkey business"(but aint gonna tell u what it is) :).
so, was fetched by my father and then alighted at the drive way.
there was this driver there, who decided to cut in half-way, so we dont bother to let him in.
so rude lor, no signal at all. - rip your license off uh.
then, bro suggested staring at him when we pass by.
he laughed like crazy, but idk for wad -.-.
nided to take temperature, but they already had it all ready.
cleared the stage and sat on the floor like i'm about to sleep.
boring...boring..boring.
went inside after like half-hour and it was air-con..
it was...hmms...quite hard? but yet it was still easy...sianz...wtf
some are indeed hard luh, but overall, okok luh, not bad.
finished at and walked out, and here comes the funny part:
I decided to go to clementi mrt station and asked the guard how to go.
directed me by saying "YOU WALK DOWN THIS ROAD AND TURN LEFT"
so walk walk walk walk walk. walked down the road and saw the mrt track
thought it was ok at first, but wth, i cant see the mrt station-.-
then, since she said left, i turned left and walked along the track.
and wth, told myself to continued walking since i know it was gonna be somewhr there.
zz....and soon enough, with this mentality, walked three bus stops, shits...
wth man, the guard should have at least told me that i could have taken a bus!!!
arhhh, three bus stops !!! walked till the mrt station, then was totally stunned by others alighting the bus.
haix, i think im the only one that nver take a bus....
nvm, so boarded the mrt, and went to ah ma hse at woodlands via jurong east(change mrt)
hmms, kinda far thou, but no choice, have to go there and 拜拜。
reached, and walked AGAIN to the hse.
ran up and at the door, saw so many ppl
we have....three uncles and their wife, my whole 5 family members, one niece, ah ma and her sisters (altogether there are 3 ah mas) lol. and of cze, a maid.
wow....overcrowding man, nid some oxygen.
chiong first thing reach there is the comp!!! no one's using it so i guess its mine for the taking.lol
oh ya, btw, the post in the morning was posted from there.
showed everyone the vid and they laughed.
haix...what a laugh they would nid since everyone was sad....
nvm...
ate lunch and prayed using two joss sticks.
after lunch, chiong for comp again before my bro use it!!!!
played some comp games, idk wads the name but its lame...
it only goes "bang bang, ching ching ching, bah bah" -.-
wow?
then, went to tiong mrkt.
father said he wanted to eat some dessert, but i dont think i can eat them, COUGHS
walau, so not fair -.-. my mum didnt folo cze she had to stay there.
eh....went to eat ice kachang durian and a ice-cream scoop topping on top. costed 2 bucks
then, not enough, so at the same time, father went to buy prawn meeeeeeeeee, 4 bucks
so, i was left with the dessert, and had to take it alll the way to the seat.
stupid bro, never even help. take spoon or something mahs..
so, reached there, and i gave myself an excuse to eat since i was the one who bought it. lol
who cares, cough then cough lor, when its gonna recover, it will recover :)
then, couldnt resist the TEMPTATION, and started eating the noodles too...
really nice mah, looks so delicious, what a waste to miss it. (im not a pig hor -.-)
finished eating, and went back to car.
found out that the car was freaking hot due to the sun, GLOBAL WARMING, STOP KILLING TREES lol
went home and sleep. wasted one whole aft sleeping.
woke up at 8 and ate dinner.

today was kinda like the fast-moving day when u sleep in the day, and wake up to see everything dark.
if only there was eternity, forever, and always....wished, hoped, but it never came true...

it was what i thought i had to do, im sorry....im just...confused..
maybe a little, but dont think its gonna start over again.
i would never give myself a second chance to do it...
just want to be the kinda study guy..
haix....这边也不行，那边也不是
maybe if time could rewind, i would never have talked and nothing would have happened
shits.....im just..wondering if had made the correct decision. wtf...
maybe its time to just get my butt out of it and start working hard...
competition is tough, especially here, cant afford to be distracted.

k, nvm, reckon its all over...maybe add some more vids or pics next time..
weee.......

The morning sunshine

2009-07-04T13:29:00.001+08:00

Found this since the teacher showed it in class.
Kinda funny
P.S. forward to the 1min50th second cze in front are all crap of teacher trying to seat his students...enjoy

k....

The small guy who cant get his hands off my stationery

2009-07-03T22:41:00.008+08:00

this small part of the post post is dedicated to mak tingjun who came to disrupt my blog every single time -.-.
peace dude. The end. lol.
but who cares. anw, flipping through books of books of more books.
worrying, but cant help. just try my luck bah.

ripped this of someone. its kinda nice though (or else it wouldnt even be here)
and err..(i aint a fan of jay chouuuu) just a song that soothes the night..nice lyrics, nice rhythm

--------

haix, just sadded about the lost of a kin.
maybe people had come to realise how death bring cruelties.
what can anyone do abt it. just make sure u treat everyone like u have never gotten a second chance to do so.
hmms....who bothers anw.....

cry like no one bothers, withers like no one cares
no one knows it but me.....

First post!!!

2009-07-03T18:35:00.002+08:00

Haix, finally got this dumb blog up.
Happae Happae since i have failed before and gave up.
with the help of haoyu, finally came up with this shit.
slept at two last night *yawns* to do lit. (thought it was goin to be easy with some comments from SOMEONE) but in the end ended up with more panda eyes.
fifth day of sch, fri, bad bad bad.
couldnt think of what to say anyway.
No one bothers, so why mention. It sucks to feel this way.
everyone's heading for their own life, who bothers.
simply NOTHING TO SAY, not emo, emo for wad -.-
first lesson, that gay come in again. but what he says are probably not as gay though.
That pervert actually made some sense.
Maybe what we do are all for ourselves, not for the approval of anything
but always believed fr my future.
haix, when is the studying trail ever gonna end. seems like no-end road. 活到老，学到老。
bloody hell.
but, no frets, its just a way to help us improve. its life, and the best way to get out of this shit is to study.
nothing much after that, until Mr wang came in and thought us his principles of life.
人都是平等的。我们绝不是被“尊严”这两个字而被分个高低。
maybe life aint about getting all high and mighty.
but ITS MY LIFE. just get over it.
live your life to the fullest, never regret anything, though i have regretted some that cannot be reverted. hmms......
oh, there comes hist and squats.
didnt noe it was supposed to write in inference form so got squats. bo bian.
well, i was in the wrong.
HSC came in, shengzhi named her after the water bottle, funny...
talked about some pleasures that ppl like bingting wont get to enjoy. the baldy immature guy. lol (no offence)
it was INTERESTING, and some immature assholes got horny about it.
big deal, every gets through the stage in the life time, nothing to cheer about.
k, then stayed back for the competition
shit, regretted joining it, but since i have commited to do so, might as well get it over and done with. ppl were playing with the water bottle (gabriel the gay and bingting the (immature). thought it was lame at first, but joined it since everyone was playing. lloll
yay, and i scored. :) sweet decent shot by me me me.
ate and went home.
blah blah blah blah blah.
byes.